It's 12am and I have yet to fall asleep. Matter of fact, I have yet to finish packing. I'm sitting cross-legged on the carpeted floor staring at my empty suitcase.
My floor is a mess with bundles of clothes, shoes and papers splayed across it. In five hours I have to be at the airport to check in for my flight. I don't know why I haven't finished packing.
Well yes, I know why. I'm nervous as hell. I keep packing and unpacking, resorting my clothes and shoes, unsure of what to carry.
I'll be leaving my home town today. Actually, I'll be leaving my home country. Not only that, but I'll be moving to stay with my sister for a bit. For a bit means until I feel confident enough to move out. I don't really want to cramp her style. But then again, I'm not really cramping anything.
My sister is in the British Navy and barely spends anytime at home. Being the best big sis that she is, she has no problem with me staying with her. However, I know eventually her and her boyfriend would like to get married and move in together, so I need to keep that in mind.
I let out a frustrated sigh. I always do this.
I don't know why I'm such a nervous wreck all the time. My two older sisters are so confident and outspoken but here I am, the docile lamb.
I pick up the chilled glass of moscato I have next to me and take a sip. The sweet nectar flows down my throat and eases some of my nerves.
I replace the glass and rub my eyes. I really need to sleep. I don't know why I'm stressing so much.
"Maybe it's because you're moving to a new country and starting a new job!" I tell myself.
I sigh again.
I am so anxious.
I know I have a couple of weeks before the start of my job and my sister already told me she would take me shopping to get what I need, but I can't seem to quiet the voices in my head.
I have a very hard time letting go of the pessimistic thoughts that claw their way into my brain. They just stay there and fester, making me more paranoid. I can't help but feel so under-prepared and out of my league. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to score this job and get invited to work abroad.
I mean, that was always the plan. I didn't want to stay on my island forever. My country is great but we progress too slowly. I need a change and some adventure. I want to experience the hustle and bustle of a bigger country. I want to work on new tech and be a part of something new and exciting that helps people everyday.
I guess that's why I was always attracted to programming. I didn't start out on a great part as I couldn't afford my own computer at first but my family helped me and I got a laptop just in time for university three years ago.
I graduated with honours with a Bachelors degree in Computer Science and Management Studies.
At first, I wanted to build software but I later fell in love with Web Development and from there I found the python programming language and the rest is history.
The job I've been accepted to is actually a Django developer position at a company called Mega Inc. It's not a startup but I figured I could get some experience in this company then move on in a few years.
I am so nervous but I really want this opportunity to go well for me. I keep trying to remind myself that it will and to do my best but imposter syndrome keeps rearing its ugly head.
I never knew what that was until I went to university and was surrounded by a bunch of guys. In all of my Computer Science courses, I was one of four girls.
It was a bit intimidating as the guys always wanted to expand on our answers or be quick to tell us when we were wrong.
At the end of my first year, I wanted to switch majors as I felt that maybe this field wasn't for me. However, every time I tried to, I always learnt something new and fascinating in my courses that made me change my mind.
The imposter syndrome is ever present but I think we now work in tandem like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
I sigh again and start packing my clothes and shoes into my suitcase. On occasions I would toss those away that I know I would not even wear. I am a simple girl, I know that I rarely dress up and if I do, best believe it is because of one of my sisters.
I let out a yawn and pick up my phone. It is now 1:30 am in the morning. I yawn again and stop my music playing in the background.
I am finish packing and I am tired as hell. I know I can sleep on the 13hr flight on Virgin Atlantic to England but first I have to catch my flight at 7am then wait five hours for my layover before I can board my flight to England.
I yawn again.
Maybe I can get a short nap, I think. I have to be up in two hours anyways. I set my alarm and jump on my bed, wrapping myself from head to toe in my sheet. The cool breeze from my fan feels amazing on my skin blowing across the top of the sheet. I instantly fall asleep.
--Two Hours Later--
I can hear an incessant buzzing next to my head. I reach up, with my eyes still closed, to instantly turn off the annoying vibration.
I am too tired for this nonsense.
I immediately kill the noise and happily snuggle deeper into my soft mattress. My bed feels amazing and I don't plan on leaving it.
Just then I hear my bedroom door open and bright lights illuminate my room, chasing away the darkness and whatever hopes I have at falling back to sleep.
"Rise and shine sweetheart, you have to get ready." Came the chipper voice of my mother.
Normally she would be off the mainland and on one of the other tiny islands that made up our country but instead she came up to see me, her baby, off.
I groan loudly and sniffle. I almost forgot what today is. I should have gone to bed earlier. My eyes are burning and the lights hurt my soul.
A quick thought about abandoning my flight enters my mind. As if she knows what I was thinking, my mom grabs my sheet and pulls it off me. The cool breeze that felt so amazing one second ago, feels like ice cubes against my skin now. It is so freaking cold outside of the covers.
"Ahh," I scream when the cold breeze touches my skin. "Why is it so damn cold?"
"It's quarter to four. Time to get up and get ready. You need to check in at five." My mom says as she starts pulling the cases off my pillows. She's definitely going to wash them when she gets back from the airport.
My typical mother, always cleaning. Even when she's on vacation and comes up to see us, she can never relax. Apparently we don't clean her house like she can.
I fumble my way into the adjacent bathroom and turn on the faucet. I brace myself for the icy cold water. I brush my teeth and splash water on my face. I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red and swollen.
That's what you get for being so indecisive, I tell myself. I undress and throw my clothes in the hamper and walk into the shower.
"Here's to new beginnings." I turn on the tap and let the cool water hit my face and run down my body. England is going to be extremely cold in December, so I better get used to it now.
*Author's Note*
22/06/22
Thank you for stopping by. This is the first story I'm publishing to the app. I really hope you enjoy it. Please leave your feedback, like and share.