Chapter 1: The Past

　　They keep on saying that high school is an adventure. It can be fun and exciting, depending on how we make it.

　　High school life is all fun and play. But that’s not what I’ve experienced.

　　When I was in my Junior High School days, I had only two best friends, and sad to say the other one is embarrassed me in front of our classmates. I’m a good friend and I don’t know why she did it. Maybe, she hates me secretly but she’s not the only one, all of my classmates are hating me.

　　I’m one of those top student at school however I failed one subject, I have my reasons but Dad can’t believe and understand it. He is full of anger that time to me and I didn’t try to explain again myside because I don’t want to feel another slap from him.

　　No one's who try to talk to me since that day, even my Mom or my older sister. Maybe they didn’t love me. My favorite cousin didn’t talk to me too even Marry my only best friend left.

　　I think that’s all the problems I’m going to face but it worsen. It worst like hell who try to defeat the good. What is happening with my life.

　　I really don’t know what to do when my classmates keep on gossiping about me and they spread such unbelievable things that I have done. The whole school knows it! And I know if I’m going to school definitely all of them are going to bully me not just my classmates.

　　I don’t know what to do, I don’t have friends who I’m going to speak, family to care for me or people who can I tell everything what happened. I was just a 16 years old girl that time and I really need someone but no one I have.

　　So I should trust and help my own self.

　　I just run and run that day while I’m crying. I don’t know where I am when I reach such a beautiful place that I’ve never seen before.

　　There’s a lot of flowers, different kinds and colors. I truly love the place and it is so peaceful here.

　　I sit in a grass and cry harder. I always think and didn't stop asking myself if what I've done wrong or bad to them. I’m trying to be a good girl, good friend, good classmates to them. And I’m trying to be a good and perfect daughter to my family.

　　But why the hell they can’t see it. They can’t see what I’ve done, they only notice all my mistakes without knowing what’s the reason behind of it.

　　I stop in crying when someone is trying to talk to me. I don't know him and I didn't see his face but I talk to him too. I said everything and I felt great. This only again the time that someone who is listening to me. Someone look like want me in his/her side. Want me to be his/her friend.

　　I’m not going to forget what he said, yeah he is a boy. I’m so lucky to have him as a friend but when he knows I’m the girl that the whole school keep on talking, he left me in that garden. I want to see his face but I haven't seen it, I want to thank him because he make me relief in pain that day in just listening and give some advice to me. But really why the hell of them leaving me? Or don’t want me. Is it true? That no one is permanent in this world even human being, they can’t stay with you.

　　I immediately left that garden when I saw other people, probably they are visiting.

　　When I got home there’s no one shadow I’ve seen. Maybe it makes me happy because they are not here but I know if they will see me, they just going to get mad and keep saying other things that can hurt me again and again.

　　There’s a new rumors about me at school and I think they already know it. So should I be ready? Prepare myself or maybe I can leave now.

　　I feel my body is shaking and my tears fall from my cheeks. Is it I’m scared if they are here? Maybe yes, I don’t want to see their faces that full of anger or mad at me. I cannot endure the pain anymore. Maybe I can now end my life because I am one of the big trash to this family, society and to the whole word.

　　I went to my room and try to find some rope but I can’t find. I go near to my window and thinking to jump in this three storey building but I heard our maid calling my name. She said to me that Dad rescued in hospital because of heart attack.

　　I know it’s because of me, he always rescued in hospital…because of me. But I can’t blame myself right now and I can’t end my life too.

　　How many times I tried to kill myself but I can’t do it. I packed all my things and I left.

　　Maybe that’s the only thing I can do.

　　*****

　　That’s my life before.

　　I can't blame anyone for this. I can fully imagine what happened before and it’s look like it yesterday had happen.

　　I was here at the roof top, breathing and feeling the fresh air. It’s been 2 years now that I left home. I left all of them because I can’t take it anymore.

　　There’s a lot of houses that I can see from here. It’s really nice. The beautiful resort from nearby, a lot of people who is visiting and relaxing their selves.

　　I was here at one of the very known apartment, owned by an old woman who help me. And from here I can see the city, a lot of high buildings. The city where I came from, my family living, my friends, schoolmates, neighbor and all of them who hurt me.

　　But the day and time is nearly coming. I’m going there soon and going to face them.

　　Because I can’t be happy in my life if I’m not going to do it. Even if I’m trying to forget all of those had happened, the pain and even I’m trying to change myself, I can’t.

　　Those Heartaches is still here with me.

　　I’m hurting myself again by thinking it. I hope these will fade someday- heartaches.