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Don't judge me by my past, I don't live there anymore

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9 years ago

I gently release the brush and let out all my pain into the canvas.

I try releasing my anger by my anger can only be release physically

I got up and walked to my bathroom it looked into the mirror and muttered just one more day

then I went back to my canvas

Quite, good

but it's too quite, not good

I learnt that the hard way

Knock,Knock,knock

A knock on the door brings me out of my nightmare of a life or Deep thoughts that's what other people call it

I stand up and I feel the presence of Victoria my little sister

she is 7 right now

I keep my door shut and locked at all times because no one will want to see what I do in here

I keep my bedroom key on me at all times, as a necklace

I opened the door for Victoria but I did not let her in, I hid my room from her eye sight

"Hi ray, dad wants to talk to you in his office" she says as she turned to leave

Dad wants to speak to me. Okay, think why?

1. The fact that I have not left my room since mom passed away, no since mom was killed

2. I have not spoken to anyone since that horrific day

3. I don't eat breakfast and Dinner , I only eat lunch

I think his gonna try making me cry again. I haven't cried, spoken or slept since her death

I don't even eat enough

I obey my father's rules because I know he is also hurting so I don't want to give him a tough time

I just went to his office

I opened the door and made my way to the couch, waiting for his speech but no it was something else this time

"Raven, Raven, Raven, Raven Raven" Dad calls me repeatedly , hoping for me to respond

I just think it's a foolish attempt to get me to talk back

"So be it, you don't want to talk to me then I will speak to you" dad adds

I still remain silent

"When your mom passed away, it wasn't your fault Ray. I know you can hear me. Your mom sacrificed herself for her children and that was what a loving mother does" he says

No,no,no Raven don't listen to him . He is trying to make you break

He continues "She loved and she cared for you and your sister-"

"ENOUGH!"I shouted , I broke but I will not cry.

"God, I missed that voice" dad said with a lone tear running down his face

I got up and I left his office

I entered the kitchen

I heard Victoria and my dad speak

"Daddy, your plan worked. You got her to speak again"Victoria spoke

Dad sighed

"Yeah, I know but I don't think she will ever be the same"dad said

At least he knows I will never be the same bright and sunny girl again

"She hasn't cried yet ,why?" Victoria asked

Victoria's Nickname is Vikky

She was to young to understand what happened that day. All she has are nightmares but as soon as she wakes up she forgets all about her nightmare

But I ... I suffer , I remember everything single detail

how I could not protect her

how I did not listen when she said hide

maybe if I stayed still she would have been here

people keep saying it's not your fault but I know they blame me

Her funeral people wore white but I wore black because mom never liked the color white and she always said she loved black

people chose to speak about her happy days while I spoke about her last day

she once told me to not speak about the good things only ,she said also talk about the bad things that made the good things happen

people spoke as if they knew her but in reality they ignored her because she was different and more powerful

people always feared that if they offended her she will lash out

yet they spoke as if they were best friends

they even went to the part where they lied about how they were always there to help her

the whole funeral was a disgrace

I felt like I was going to barf at the way they spoke about her

"she was so kind"

lie,she was ruthless

"she was not able to hurt a fly"

lie,she was a warrior

"she loved to share"

lie,she was possessive

I continued listening to dad

"I don't know but at least she spoke again"dad said

I am angry - sad - disappointed

I really don't know what to feel but all I know is that revenge will set me free

"I , Raven Elisa Cross vow to seek revenge for my mother's death, they will be punished I swear" I vowed silently as I cut my hand to perform the blood promise ritual

I heard someone once say

'Revenge doesn't help the pain, it only worsens it'

well, It's time I prove them wrong

I ran up to my room to avoid them

RIP mom and auntie Leva

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The End

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