Kayla
I knew I shouldn't have gone for that bonfire, it sounded like trouble from the moment I heard about it. What was it about danger that I was so drawn to? Maybe it was because I lived in a ridiculously small and extremely religious town. There was something undeniably exciting about a bonfire; the boys or perhaps the alcohol and drugs.
I walked faster; it was dark and all the "good people" of Littlemeadow town were fast asleep. What lurked in the dark underneath the shadows was dangerous. I heard laughter and loud conversation up ahead, I was sure it was some of the boys from the bonfire but when I looked to the side of the road where their truck was parked, I didn't recognize any of them.
"You, come here!" One of the boys called out forcefully. I was sure he was talking to me, I was the only one stupid enough to be out this late. I didn't respond. Instead, I picked up my pace and walked faster. I should've gone home with Nati when she offered, I think regretfully. When I heard footsteps following me, I started running; panicked. It was no use though. With a few giant strides, the strange guy caught up with me and grabbed me by the elbow, pulling me back with him to where his friends were. They all found the encounter a little too amusing; they were obviously drunk.
"Please, let me go." I begged, already sobbing. This night was turning out much worse than I anticipated.
"Where do you think you're going?" He sneered. I was right, his breath reeked of alcohol.
"Home. Please, let me go." I cried.
My pleas fell on deaf ears he looked at his other friend and asked him if he wanted to have a little fun. The other guy seemed all too pleased with the idea and started to take off his belt.
In that moment, I knew what was about to happen. There were five of them and four seemed very eager to participate. The other one protested once against the idea but he was ignored and he didn't push further. He stood aside, drink in hand and watched.
One of the guys unlocked the cover of the truck bed and lifted me unto it. I closed my eyes and tried to imagined myself anywhere else in the world but it didn't work. The pain of the first guy forcing himself on me while the others held my hands forced me to stay in the moment and experience first hand the worst kind of violation know to man. He dropped sloppy wet kisses all over my face as he thrust into me over and over again until I thought I was going to throw up.
After a few minutes, he pulled out and he was done. The second one was about to take his turn when the one who stood in the corner fought him off. Now you want to help, I thought bitterly. My eyes were freakishly dry and I was completely numb. He helped me up and set me on the ground but I didn't bother to thank him. I pushed down my dress tried to smoothe out my hair, which was completely matted from rubbing against the bare bed of a truck. I mustered whatever energy I had left and limped to the road, completely shattered beyond comprehension. I had never felt anything like what I was feeling before.
I noticed headlights of a car trailing behind me when I was almost home. I would've run if I still had even a little energy left but I didn't and I also didn't care what happened to me. I was a shadow of myself and I was prepared for the absolute worst. The car never approached me though, it trailed behind from a distance and when I climbed our porch, I didn't see them again.
The door was unlocked so I walked in. My stepfather was sitting in front of the TV as usual, drunk out of his mind. I didn't bother with hellos; I hated him and the feeling was mutual.
"Where are you coming from?" He sounded angry and I had no idea why, usually we just ignored each other. Which was what I did until he got up and climbed the stairs after me and grabbed me by the hair, attempting to pull me back down.
"Let me go." My tone was low and menacing, I lacked the patience to deal with him and his shenanigans after everything I'd just experienced.
"Or what? You don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you, little brat."
At seventeen, I was hardly little. I was a full blown woman just waiting for her eighteenth birthday which also meant emancipation from the world of the psychopaths that were my mother and her husband.
I attempted to free myself but it was easy so I just kept climbing. I welcomed the pain of him trying to drag me by the hair, at least I was feeling something. The way I'd been numb was scary even to me. He was clearly drunk so his grip was not as strong as it should have been so I kept going until we stood at the top of the stairs.
He let go of my hair and tried to grab me by the elbow but I moved away. "Come back here before I slap the disrespect out of you."
"Go on, I dare you." I spat.
He struck me against the right cheek and I was done with him. With all the strength I could muster, I pushed him as hard as I could and he stumbled down the stairs. My mother finally came out of her room to see the commotion for herself. She had a habit of pretending that she didn't hear us fighting. My grandma was the only one that cared but she didn't live with us so she was hardly around.
"Oh my goodness, you finally killed him!" My mother exclaimed after she ran down the stairs to check on my stepfather. He lay there lifeless and for a brief second, I feared that he might actually be dead but then I remembered exactly who he was and it didn't matter anymore.
One thing was clear, I had to leave Littlemeadow. I ran to my room and grabbed a bag, throwing everything I could grab inside. My mother was on my heels.
"Where do you think you're going? You've killed him and now you want to run?"
"He should have left me alone and I'm sure he's just passed out, you'll have your little abusive husband back soon enough." I grabbed my piggy bank and broke it open; I'd been saving for this day because I knew it would come, the day that I ran away and never looked back. I just didn't know that it would be after I was severely violated.
"So you had all that money the whole time and you watched us starve?"
I couldn't believe my ears. "You were never starving, you just needed money for more drugs and alcohol. You should get a job like other adults, it will help you fund your ridiculous lifestyle." It was something I should have said to her years ago instead of getting a side job and saving up my paycheck to give to her.
"You ungrateful little..."
"Save it, mom. I'm leaving and if I'm lucky, I will never have the displeasure of seeing you and Rick ever again. You should be happy, nobody to be ungrateful for all your help anymore." I exaggerated the word help because there was no such thing from her. My highschool was paid for by my grandmother until I graduated a few days go. My grandma was everything my mom wasn't and she was the only thing I was going to miss about Littlemeadow. Such a silly name, I thought to myself.
By the time I made it out of the house, my mother was nearly screaming it down. Rick was still by his position at the bottom of the stairs and I wondered if he was still breathing but I didn't have the time to think too much about it. It was probably foolish to be going back out the same night I was raped but I had lost the ability to think rationally. I needed to get far away from Littlemeadow as soon as I could. I took out my phone and called Nati, she was the only friend I had and I needed to inform her that I was leaving.
"Now? It's nearly 4am." She exclaimed but I'd had it with thinking things through, I just needed to leave.
"I need to go." The reality of what had just happened was finally catching up to me and my words were almost swallowed my the tears that were threatening to fall.
"Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you. You can leave as soon as the sun comes up, if that's still what you want, okay?"
"Okay."
Nati just held me, comforting me and rubbing my back as I bawled my eyes out. I told her the summarized version of my whole night and her regret was driving home without me even though I was the one who wanted to stay back.
I slept briefly but the worst nightmare interrupted me. When I looked at the time, it was 5:48 am and it was defending time to get moving. I didn't know where I was going but I was going to go to the bus station and buy a ticket heading anywhere out of town. There was nothing left for me in Littlemeadow but heartache and disappointments so I had to leave. I was going to call Nati and my grandma and let them know I was safe once I got where I was going.
Nati drove me to the bus station in silence. I could tell that she wasn't happy about how things had turned out, well neither was I. I'd always known that the small town had nothing to offer me but what I didn't know then was that it also had the ability to take from me, much more that I could have ever imagined.
Regardless of how wild the religious fanatics of Littlemeadow thought I was, I'd never actually had sex with a boy before and what I thought was going to be something special was roughly snatched away from me without a second thought. The thought of it left my eyes burning afresh with unshed tears.
We finally arrived at the bus station and the bus's final destination was three towns away, to Lakeshore a much bigger town which I'd only ever read about. I bought a ticket for Lakeshore; I was going to feel it out and if I liked it enough, I was going to stay.
"Please call me?" Nati's eyes shone with tears.
"I will." I hugged her tight, she had been a friend even when other kids called me a slut and avoided me. We had been through so much together and I was truly thankful that I had someone like her in a place as terribly judgemental as Littlemeadow.
The bus was leaving so I boarded it and took a sit by the window. Nati waved at me until she was just a tiny speck behind me. I looked away and embraced the thought of a new life. As much as I loved her, she was in my past now. I needed a fresh start, one that didn't involve so much pain and judgement, one that let me be the most authentic version of myself.
I didn't know what the future held or what I was going to do once I got to the city but I knew for sure that I was never going to be the person I was leaving behind. I vowed to live the best life possible, haven't endure a shitty seventeen years.
