I always wondered what was the human being's greatest enemy, some said it's poverty or hatred or jealousy and even some said it's losing someone you love, and guess what they all are right. Even they are the greatest enemies, there's one thing that tops the list, it's choosing between the ones you love the most.
Imagine you have two things in front of you for which you worked your whole life and dreamed about it, but you only get to choose one among them and there's no other option. You know human wants
desires
are unlimited and the resources needed to satisfy them are limited so you always have to make choices.
Our life starts with making choices, our career, the food we eat, everything is the choice we make, but when you choose one among the two, the other disappears and it leaves your life forever. But what if choosing one among the two things you love will make the other disappear from your life forever and there's no chance you'll see it in your life again. What will you choose if this situations like this stand in front of you?
Why I'm being so philosophical? It's because the same situation came into my life and I have 24hours to answer if I choose one the other will leave me forever. I have to make the hardest choice of my life, I have to choose between the one I love and the one I dream of. Yes, I have to decide whether to choose the person I love or the career I dreamed of for the past 10 years?
It might look simple but trust me it's the hardest choice one can ever make. And how I ended up being in it? Even I don't know the answer. I was ecstatic and was about to fulfill my dream when this 'uncalled love' came to me and thrown me into this situation.
At present, I'm in my room with my head down and my hand on my forehead, thinking of the situation, that's when I heard the door open, it's my mum, she stood by the door and spoke.
"Did I disturb you?"
"No mum, I'm just thinking about something, nothing important, come in." I just lied and gave a fake smile even when my mind was full of screams and thoughts.
She came in and sat beside me.
"Why do your life when you aren't good at it?" She gave a smile.
I turned towards her and saw her face and I know that my mum knows about my situation, my inside screams and sorrow. I looked down and let out a long sigh. She cupped my face with one of her hands and raised it.
"Kiet, I might not know how you're feeling but I can hear your cry." She knows how I was feeling, I mean how couldn't she? She's my mum, of course, she knows how her child is feeling.
I didn't know what to do reply, I hugged her and tears started rolling down from my eyes, I started crying hard while she was comforting me and trying her best to console me. After some time I broke the hug and looked at her.
"How are you feeling now?" She asked with that worried face.
"I never felt this much pain. It feels like my world's becoming apart." I said muffled tone, enough for her to hear.
"You haven't decided did you?" Now I can see that her heart's breaking to see her son in pain. The worry was all over her face.
"How can I? I never thought I would end up like this, my life was going as I've planned and Song destroyed it." I answered in a low tone.
"It's not life if it's planned. Kiet, I know you're struggling to choose one among them and I know how hard it is for you."
"If you were in my situation what would you choose, mum?" I asked thinking I could get a hunch or even a small way to get out of this problem.
"....... I don't know son, no one can unless they are in the same situation as yours." She said while holding my hand.
"I don't know what to choose? What should I do now?" I asked again, hoping for a light in my darkness.
"If you're asking me... I can only suggest to you one thing........ Rewind your life, think of everything that has happened till now, I hope you'll find your answer. They say we should forget and move on from our past but the past is the one which makes us choose for what future we hold, the present just acts as a bridge connecting them." She said while comforting me.
"Think of the past or even write down everything that led you to this situation you'll find the answer." She said with an encouraging smile and left the door with the door shut.
I thought of the idea mum told, so I sat on my desk, took a book and a pen to write all the memories or past that threw. I felt a bit at ease when I saw mum, she the one with me encouraging and trying her hard to help me out. I was lucky to have her as my mum, but...... I wasn't like this before or in my past. There have been years when I hated her with my every nerve and thought I was unlucky to have her as my mum.
My mum's a school teacher in Chaing Mai and dad's a businessman, they fell in love with each other and got married. I always wondered how a businessman gets to know a school teacher and how they fell in love, How did the two completely different lives become one?
My mum and dad's joy had no limit when I was born. I grew up seeing and feeling their love, whenever I saw them they were happy but it took me 7 years to know all that was a lie and all they've been doing was acting in front of me.
I was 7 years old, one night I woke up in the middle of the night and heard muffled screams, it was like someone was arguing. So I went downstairs and saw mum and dad, they were arguing about something, something that I don't know and mattered most to them.
I went back to my room silently, their fight was endless. Not long after that, my dad gave shocking news and that's when my change and point of seeing the world has changed.
Mum and I were sitting in the living room, I was doing my homework when dad showed up with his luggage.
"I'm leaving." He said without any emotions.
"What?" My mum's face was shocked.
"I'm going to Singapore and I'll stay there. I have some I love." He said holding his passport.
"You love? So you won't love me anymore?" Mum asked
"It was you who wasn't, from the beginning." He said looking at mum's face.
"Kiet, please go inside your room," Mum said and I did as she told me, I left the room but stayed by the stairs listening to what they were quarreling about.
"Don't you dare say I didn't love you?" Mum's voice filled with anger.
"If you've loved me enough then I wouldn't have loved another person. You know how you've been acting on me lately. You've been picking upon fights and quarreling about me since I came back from Singapore." Dad answered.
"So it was all my fault? What about Kiet's future then?" Mum asked.
"Don't worry about him, I will provide money till she graduates. I think he's not like us to make wrong choices, he can withstand when he graduates, till then I'll take care of his educational expenses." Dad assured me of mine but about mum's, he wasn't ready to say anything.
"And you're leaving like that? Leaving both of us?"
"I can and will provide money for your living if you want," Dad said.
"I think I can raise him on my own. Thank you for taking care of his education." Mum said in a low tone.
"I might not come back. Good-bye." Dad said and left the house.
Mum sat on the couch and started crying. Dad and mum got divorced he left our lives. I live with mum while dad's in Singapore. He doesn't come to see me, sometimes he calls to talk, but a few words, it's like he's doing that against his will.
I was 10 when I got to know the real reason. One day dad went to Singapore and found someone he loves. After he came back, mum found out about his affair and they had quarrels, which finally ended up in divorce.
Dad moved on, he was rich, so he didn't have to worry about money and he was happy with his love. But our life changed after this. Mum cried every day thinking about dad and she didn't move one.
