"This is wrong Kurt, let's stop this!" I shouted at him.
When I looked at him, I see in his eyes the pain and tears.
'' Why? Is it because of them ?! Why are you doing this Madi? Didn't I tell you that don't give an attention to them! Don't waste your time for those people! '' He escolded me so loudly that it almost made me deaf.
I closed my eyes intensely and after that I opened my eyes and looked at him without any emotion and made him feel that my decision is final and there is nothing he can do about it.
''I can't help but to be affected of what they're saying! They are right in their opinions about us, the relationship we have is a great shame, '' I told him emphatically.
'' Shame? How come that our relationship is a shame? Is it because of our ten year age gap? Oh God Gemma! I don"t care about their useless opinions! What matters to me, is you, '' he replied and gave me a gentle look.
I took a deep breath as I watched his eyes was begging for me. But I gave my full strength to fight for it. To fight the tension that prevails in us.
'' Adam, you're just 21 years old! You're too young to say those things --- ''
'' Can you stop me calling me a child! I'm not a child anymore! I can think properly! I can decide on my own! I can fight for you, I can do everything just for you, I love you, '' he said and I was almost distracted when I saw the tears in his eyes.
'' You're just saying that because you're getting something from me! I offer myself to you! I give the happiness that you are looking for! Isn't it? That's why you're acting like that because of Lust! '' I growled at him.
His eyes narrowed as he looked at me when I said those words.
He couldn't believe what he heard from me, even me. I was surprised by what I said. But I don't have a choice. I need to do this. This is the right thing to do. For his own good.
I stood straight and looked at him without any emotion. I need to act like I don't care. Like I don't have a strong feelings for him.
"Is that how you think of me?" He smiled. I know that smile. It's not coming from the eye. It's all fake.
I don't know what the exact word I'm gonna say and I couldn't open my mouth because I felt like I am the first one who will hurts by the words that came out from my mouth.
I just bit my lower lip so hard to stop mine from exploding emotions.
'' Do you think I'm just playing with you? And my action is just part of my plan? And you think you're just my body heat remover and all this time, you are judging me of what feelings I have for you! Isn't enough? I can do anything for you Gemma! I can sacrifice everything for you then you think, it's just a lust? Then----''
I didn't let him finish what he was going to say and I immediately yelled at him.
'' Isn't that true? And who are you? You are Kurt Xion who is a well -known playboy and heart breaker! You've never take life seriously! You indulge in the wealth you have! Nothing else matters to you but yourself! You don"t care about the people around you! You are numb and heartless! You know, I can't even understand what happen to me and I let myself enter to your world, maybe I'm dumb or I'm just a victim of your dirty game of lies!'' I shouted at him intensely.
I could clearly see the pain draw in his eyes. And that pain pierced my heart.
'' Are you done? '' He asked.
I'm speechless. I can't find the right word to say. It gives my heart more pain to keep an eye on the man I love the most and now who is hurting because of me.
'' Y-Yeah we're done too, '' my voice was cracked as I said those words.
I was slowly giving up. I can't take it anymore. So I immediately turned my back on him.
'' Let's stop this bullshit Kurt! Just find a woman same as your age, it's easy it's just up to you because there are a lot of beautiful girls out there who are crazy inlove with you, don't settle with me! I'm old! I'm not as beautiful or sexy as they are. And they looked fresh and young while--- ''
'' Yes, I admit I'm stupid, I am a short tempered type of person. I have no mercy on the people around me. I played the heart of more than a hundreds of women, I love seeing them in pain. But you know, everything was change when I meet you. Madi, I can change myself for you!
I can be a human because I learned that from you. ''
All the words he uttered pinced my heart..
'' You're right it's easy for me to find a woman. In just one click, i
I can carry them to bed and they will give the pleasure that I am looking for. Before I think it's enough so I choose to be in that kind of life before. Happy go lucky, typical bad boy. I thought I'm happy. But it's not. I just wearing a fake smile on my lips and then everything was changed when my heart choosen you, '' he added.
I violently wiped away the tears dripping from my eye.
And I took a deep breath and prepared myself to be strong enough to face him.
'' Stop the nonsense you're saying Kurt! Because I don"t have time to play with you anymore! I"m done with this, I"m not going to spend my time on short -term pleasures like what relationship we have right! I want to move forward by myself! I want to be free and I don't want to be with you anymore! So please Kurt, let me go... '' I said to him calmly and vigorously.
But I didn't get an answer from him.
All of a sudden he pulled me near to him and without any signal, I just felt that he
kissed me violently.
I was shocked by what he did and I tried to avoid or push him away.
But I have had nothing against his strength.
Whatever I avoided it he still even managed to insert his tongue inside my mouth and he kissed me like there is no tomorrow.
I can't help but to cry and my tears dropped from my eyes continously by that he stopped, he realized what he was doing.
And he gently wiped the tears from my eyes.
"I love you so much Madi, I didn't mean to hurt you," he said sincerely.
But I immediately l pushed him away from me with all my strength.
'' What the Kut! Don't you really understand a word? You're just really making me feel like that the you're just young and you can't even try to listen! '' I shouted at him.
'' How many times I will tell you Madi that I am not a young anymore? Yes! We have a big age gap but that"s not connected to the brain I have! I know what I'm doing! I know what the right thing to do is to fight for you! ''
I can't imagine how much I am lucky to have this man in my life.
I can feel his true love for me. He gives me everything. Love, truth and sincerity but what I give back are pain, tears and betrayal.
'' How about you? Do you know what you are doing? Are you not aware that you're hurting me like hell or you are just blinded?'' I added.
I don't know what else to say to him. I really want to hug him and admit that it was all just my show and I couldn't afford to lose him but no, I didn't.
Because I knew it was right.
I wish I had done it first.
I was shocked when he suddenly knelt in front of me.
My heart almost broke in pain as I watched it. But I remained calm and
act again like I didn't care even though the truth is I was so weak that I wanted to tell him how much I loved him..
'' Kurt! Stand there! Even if you kneeled down, my decision will never change. My decision is final--- ''
'' I know you're lying to me. I know you Madi! I know you can"t do this to me!
You know the reason why I became like this! You know my past, I told you everything that caused me trauma and because of you, I learned how to be brave.I know you love me! I know, '' he said.
When he said that I immediately took the photos in my bag and I give it to him.
I knew this was the right time. And this is the right thing I can do to stop him.
He looked at me in surprise but I tried to smile at him and gave him a meaningful looks.
'' H-No. It's not you Madi! don't fool me ---' '
''No, Kurt. That's the truth. All of my actions is just part of my plan, I don't love you, I mean I will never do that,'' I quickly said.
His hand are shaking while holding the photo and I looked into his eyes and I see the intense anger.
I have been preparing for this scene for a long time. I know this is going to happen but it seems I can't hold my breath because I can't imagine that tonight he will hate me and his everlasting love will be ended.
In an instant the whole area became silent. The only thing I can hear is my fast heart beat.
I didn't get any answer from him so I broke the silence.
'' Now you know I am the woman you have been looking for. A woman --- ''
"A woman who flirted with my father and the only reason why my family now was broken,'' he said.
And after he said that, he violently tore up the photo and quickly stood up and gave me a look that I've never seen before.
At that moment I knew everything had changed.
His pure love for me has disappeared and has been replaced by intense anger and hatred.
''I hate you. My love for you was totally gone. I'll make sure that you will be punished of what you've done. Perfect time, you'll see the hell,'' he added and he looked at me the way he looked at the girls, before.
Look without any sign of respect.