“Selena, please eat your breakfast just a little. Our baby needs to eat, pity the baby, our baby doesn’t understand anything about our problems.” I don’t know how often Marshal asked his wife to touch the cold food in front of her.

Selena. Yes, now the woman looks thinner than ever. Her face was dull, and her eyes were tearful, now and then, her eyes trembled to shed her unstoppable emotions.

“How about I fed you, Selena?” asked Marshal for second time.

Selena was silent, and her eyes blank forward. Marshal sighed quietly, then sat next to Selena. Marshal knew that his wife still couldn’t accept it wholeheartedly but, Marshal had to keep his promise for protect her anytime and anywhere. It was the only thing Marshal could do to avenge Selena's heartache for these three years.

“Selena, please hear me... our baby needs food, so the baby can grow up healthy in your womb,” Marshal said while grabbing Selena’s skinny hand.

“Just go and leave me alone here.”

“Selena, please don’t do that. Don’t torture yourself and our baby. I know you’re mad on me but, please respect our baby,” Marshal said, “I know this should never have happened but—"

“Shut up!” Selena shout histerically.

Marshal nodded and tried to control his emotions that who had restrained, Marshal remained holding Selena’s hand until the woman tried to release him by taking a bread knife on the plate in front of her.

“Selena, what are you doing?!” asked Marshal surprised.

“I hate you! I hate this fucking baby! I hate it all!” screamed Selena, pointing the bread knife at her wrist.

“What are you doing, Selena! What do you want to do?! Don’t mess around, it’s dangerous, Selena!” replied Marshal trying to grab the bread knife.

“Let go, Marshal! I’m going to die! Let go of my hand!”

“Not gonna happen, give me the bread knife back,” murmured Marshal.

After Marshal managed to take over the bread knife, Selena is sobbing like a four year old child her mother doesn’t buy him a candy, and Marshal couldn’t help but feel frustrated.

“I’m so sorry, Selena... I’m really sorry.” That’s the only sentence that came out of Marshal’s mouth when he saw Selena crying.

Meanwhile, Marshal right hand is already grasping a chocolate cola bottle with a dark blue sealed lid. Marshal opened it quickly and gave some pills of the bottle to Selena.

***

“Are you sure she’s okay?” asked a man to Marshal, who was sitting with his head down in the work chair.

“I don’t think so, she kept crying last night, Doy. But, I can’t keep this up either... Selena should be able to get out of the trauma and forgive me,” Marshal said.

“Are you kidding me? Getting out of that trauma isn’t as easy as turning your hand, Marshal. It’s probably going to take a while.” Doy on his hips.

Marshal sighed. “I want to turn back time if there was a time machine here, it’s very painful but, it doesn’t bleed.”

“Now you’re just say sorry? Didn’t you hate her so much? She is very naive if she’s love you, don’t you often say like that?” quipped one of Marshal’s co-workers, who had been listening to their conversation.

“Try to imagine being in my position, I never responded to her but, I swear I don’t hate her let alone do that crazy thing to Selena. I was framed with a girl who didn’t know anything,” said Marshal on annoyed tones.

“What are you doing, Yudh? We should be able to give encouragement to Marshal, don’t make him more confused like this,” said Doy.

Marshal wiped his faces violently, trying to find answers in the dark and trying to find a speck of dew that willingly descends in the arid desert.

However, once again, he failed to find one. He can't find it alone.

“Marshal, you also need a break time for yourself.” Doy handed over a piece of unsalted bread to the Marshal. “I made toast but, I don’t know what jam you like. eat that bread.”

“Sometimes I also feel sorry if I see Selena like a dazed person. It’s so sinful of me with her. I feel so bad when I see her weeping and hating that innocent baby,” Marshal said.

“That’s enough, feelings of regret will always appear later. You don’t have to regret it because it really happened. Now you have to think about your little family and reassure Selena that you guys are okay, baby is innocent ....” Doy said casually.

“The baby been almost four weeks, but Selena hasn’t been able to accept that reality. aku benar-benar merasa sangat gila,” kata Marshal kemudian.

Doy shook his head quietly. “Marshal, Marshal... there is nothing in this world of good girls whose virginity is forcibly taken that way. Especially with people who have hated it for years.”

The Marshal fell silent, covering his face with both palms. He never thought everything he planned would change drastically. Marshals harmed Selena by chance, and that’s a scourge for her right now.

“I think you can start to take

her sympathy back. You also know clearly that Selena was once attracted to you, I’m sure she still has a love for you,” Yudha said later.

“Well, yes. That’s right. That’s best choice,” said Doy.

“Instead of us constantly thinking about this, it’s better for us to go and pray,” suggested Yudha.

***

That night Marshal came home just as the sun had started to set on the western horizon, not forgetting Marshal brought some snacks for Selena, who was pregnant. Now and then, he manages to imagine his wife’s reaction then breathlessly.

“Selena ... I’m home,” said Marshal when he opened the main door of the luxury residence.

The atmosphere is very quiet. That’s what Marshal always encounters when he’s just coming home from work. There’s no warm welcome from Selena, no sweet smiles from Selena, no coffee brewed from Selena’s hands also there are no questions that are very common to be asked by a wife. Their household is like a cage.

“Selena....”

Marshals placed a plastic bag containing the snack on the kitchen table and went looking for Selena in the backyard. Selena has been daydreaming in the backyard a lot these days, Marshal didn’t know what else to do besides regularly persuading Selena to take sedatives and sleeping pills.

“Selena ... Why are you still here? It’s late, let’s go inside,” Marshal said as soon as he saw his wife sitting on a rattan chair that he deliberately put on the back porch.

As usual, Selena didn’t answer Marshal's words in the slightest, Selena is busy with her own thoughts.

“Dear ... what’s wrong with you? Please listen to my words just once, tell me, do you still hate me?” Marshal said, slightly begging.

Marshal sighed quietly, then crouched down in front of Selena. “You’re still mad at me? You still hate me? I’m sorry... I know I’m sorry I can’t get your life back to where you were but, I promise I’ll make you happy, I found a abortion pill in the kitchen... I beg you not to hurt our baby."

"I'm sorry? That's all you can do." Selena plays her knuckle until it looks white.

"I know, it's all not wil—"

"I'm tired of hearing your sorry, I'm tired of hearing your voice, I hate it," Selena said quickly.

"You can hate me as deeply as you can, just don't hate the baby in your womb," Marshal replied. "Now, let's go in."

"I still want to be here."

"It's not good for pregnant women to sit outside at night," Marshal said.

"If you want to come in, just go in first. I still want to be here," Selena said.

"Selena ... It's time for you to have dinner. You should also take vitamins," Marshal said again.

Selena looked inside in Marshal's bead as if asking for answers. The stare that Marshal hates, the gaze that marshals have avoided for three years.

"Selena, come on in. The night wind isn't good for you." Without a second thought, Marshal embraced Selena's body and guided her into the house.

Selena is just silent, and she doesn't know how to make peace with herself. She didn't know why her hatred for Marshal became more so when she saw the manic eye. She did not understand the way God gave her.

"You wait here, I'll get you the same vitamins as your dinner first, what do you want to eat tonight? Shrimp Soup or Sweet Sour Shrimp?" asked Marshal after Selena sat on the living room sofa.

Marshal looked at Selena long ago.

"I don't have an appetite," murmured Selena.

Marshal sighs. "Don't be so, Selena. You need to eat to get well soon."

"But I don't want to eat."

"You want toast with chocolate hazel jam, right? I'll make it for a second." Marshal immediately went to the kitchen and took a few strands of fresh bread from inside the kitchen set cabinet.

He heats the microwave for a few minutes while filling the strands of fresh bread with chocolate jam and hazel. Not to forget, he sprinkled some grated cheese on top of them.

Now and then, marshal glances at Selena, who is still sitting pensively on the couch. Marshal smiled, a hollow smile that made his heart recesses scream as hard as he could.

Selena.

It used to be that woman wasn't like this. She could occasionally smile even with just her peers, but, now Shouldn't Selena be able to smile in front of the Marshal?

Kling!

The microwave timer machine says the bread is ready to be served.

"The bread is cooked, eat it," Marshal after putting a plate containing the bread in front of Selena.

"I—"

"I'll fed you?" the Marshal offered.

"I don't want to."

"Come on, just eat a little."