The sun shone through the trees into the open window. Jack was still asleep as the birds chirped. Exhausted from last night, he uncomfortably slept in his tight jeans, tossing and turning on his single bed. "love is the best way to die" the star actress in his nightmare said. "well I'm not in love so I'm alive" he responded, "nah to love is to live, you must be dead" she mumbled dipping fries into tomato sauce and chewing hungrily on them. Jack unwillingly stared at her "is there sauce on my lips? " she asked, wiping the area around her mouth "no" Jack giggled, "I'm just thinking about what you said" he declared, "what made you change your mind about having this date with me?" he wondered, "I want to live, I need to be alive" she replied. The contrast in her statements left him confused as he sipped on his Fanta.
"wake up, wake up" his little brother shook him awake. "you'll be late for your soccer game" he said as Jack opened his eyes "mom and dad are looking forward to seeing you play, we'll be seating at the stands watching" he added. Jack covered his face with a pillow annoyingly drowning himself in his own drool. "I'm feeling tired and won't play" he said, "you feeling fired and can't wait" his brother misheard him and excitedly rushed out to let his parents know "argh" he sighed angrily throwing his pillow against the wardrobe and got up. Having a slight hangover he felt dizzy and weak "I'm not fit to play" he thought to himself as he made his way to the bathroom.
He quickly washed his body and missed a few spots but was unbothered. Drained of energy he brushed his teeth and drank plenty of bathroom water "I hope this works" he mumbled to himself before pushing four of his right fingers into his mouth, deep in the far end of his throat till he threw up disgustingly. "that should do it" he said to himself before washing his hand and rinsing his mouth.
He returned to his room and applied lotion on his body, over sprayed deodorant on himself and dressed up. Still feeling slightly nausea he was convinced it will go away before the game. Deeply looking at his reflection on the mirror he said a short prayer and left his room. "good morning mom, good morning dad" he greeted snuggling his brother's hair. "I hope you rested well, we'll be there to support you" his father said. "I hope you guys don't make me nervous" he mumbles heading to the kitchen.
Hungry, he takes a few bananas from the fruit dish and assembles with everyone at the table "what's for breakfast?" he asks peeling one of the bananas "cereals" his mother replies. Craving for something rather salty he is disappointed "cereals?" with a tone drained of appetite "yeah its Sunday morning, we should be at church but we really want to be in your corner today, seeing how important the game is to you" She states, "and what does that have to do with breakfast?" he wonders in his confused, "uhm.." failing to gather her words, she remained silent. "nothing we do will ever be enough for you" his dad blurted "you're always so cold hearted and unappreciative" he said. "sorry" his apology was blunt and plain.
"what time did you come back home last night?" his dad asked, his heart raced just a little but he pulled himself together "very late" he responded, "I thought so" his dad got up from the table and left them "I'm just glad you're not a girl" his mother giggled. "am I a disappointment to you guys?" his question was random and unexpected "what makes you think that?" his words slammed against her rather harshly "because mom I seem to always disappoint you and dad" he said, "you don't disappoint us, we deeply care for you and caring comes with expectations" she told him. "then disappointment fills your hearts when those expectations aren't met right?" he was eager to find out, convinced he was not the child his parents want him to be.
Saddened by his fathers words, he disappeared mentally. Learning to acclimate he could not right his words "I'll try to be a better son, okay" he told his mother "you are a perfect son" she held both his hands "then why does dad always make me feel this way?" he questioned the emptiness he felt inside. "because your dad has isolated himself for the longest time, especially after your sister died" she answered feeling cold while trying to keep him warm.
"I can't keep on living this way, it makes me feel completely heartbroken and numb, as if I'm a curse to the family" he let out what he's been desperately bottling inside. "you don't have to feel like that, me and your dad love you so much" she tried to cheer him up "it's not a choice ma, and love is far from it" he spits words, filling his mother's eyes with salty water.
Not wanting to let out a waterfall of tears in front of him, she excuses herself and leaves him with his brother. "go to your room David" he banged his head against the table and scared him off, "it'll be alright" he thought to himself and sat up. Having no other choice, he prepared for himself a bowl of cereals and slowly devoured it incompletely.
His mother on the other felt as if she needed to do something about how his husband was treating his own son. She joined him in their room and they both sat quietly as she gathered her words. Not wanting to be disrespectful she asked, "why is Jack always in your bad books?" Sensing where her question was coming from he replied "nothing he does deserves to be recorded in my good books." Eager to make him see Jack in a different light she uttered "but he's your child, you can't be condemning him for every bad thing he does without trying to correct him."
He wasn't buying any of it "he's an adult now, who can make up his mind to break the curfew" he said, "he never does any of the things we tell him to do and you always defend him" he added. Already in her emotions, she murmured "ever since we lost Emma you've been like this, it's more than just his behaviour it's scars you holding on to." Her words struck his conscience wholly and he froze thinking deeply "she meant the world to me, your so called God couldn't even save her" he cried out "my so called God gave you two sons you fail to appreciate, learn to love what you have and let go of what you've lost" she gave voice to words that long have been wanting to get out of her chest. They were the closest thing to truth and charged his conscience guilty "I'm not having this conversation with you" he said, "you're not ready to face the truth" she declared, stripping him of the façade he's been displaying "he can never add up, he's nothing compared to Emma" he mentioned.
His words sounded unfair to her ears and she wept internally "I'll be at the living room waiting for you" she got up "I don't think I still want to go to his stupid game" he replied, "fine, I'll take him myself" she announced and left.
Failing to consume it completely, Jack stared at his unappetizing breakfast. "are you ready to leave?" his mother asked, "yeah, I just have to collect my gym bag that's all" he replies "then do so" she muttered "and bring your brother with" she said as Jack rushed to his room.
Losing the battle waging in her mind she sat down and let out a few tears "calm down" she convinced herself and took deep breaths "we're ready" Jack stated walking in with his little brother "let's go then" she led the way and they followed behind "is dad not coming?" David asked, "nope your dad is not feeling well" she tried to keep everything to herself "he was alright earlier, it's because of me right?" Jack mumbled, but his mother ignored him as they kept on walking.
In the garage she checked her purse for the car keys "I'm sure I placed them here" she mumbles to herself searching in vain. Jack could see that something was bothering her peace but refused to confront it immediately "I'll go check inside, perhaps by accident you forgot them somewhere" he said and returned back into the house.
Without knocking he burst into his parents room and caught his father crying over a picture of his late sister. Without saying anything he looked around and his eyes fell on the key on the drawer, he grabbed it and walked out smashing the door behind.
"let's get out of here" he stated as he handed over the keys. As if things wouldn't get any worse, they heard a loud scream coming from the house. It was his dad loudly mourning "I have to go check on him" his mother rushed in quickly "know what, forget it" Jack dropped his bag next to the car and ran out through the garage door. David was left alone to drown in his own confusion, so very young and lost he started crying not knowing what to do.
