Shanaya’s point of view

“Ahh..ughhhh,” I fake moaned. I’ve been faking orgasms for the longest time. Am I broken? I’m a 21st century black lady. I have my needs and David isn’t meeting my needs. How did I even end up like this? Don’t get me wrong. I love David but sex isn’t just it.

“Are you cumming?”David asked.

How do I tell this man that it’s really hard for me to cum.

“I need more, more,” I groaned.

“You’re so needy baby,” David said smugly.

“Uhhuh.. give me more..eee,”I kept on moaning.

For someone who claimed to know me so well, David didn’t even have the slightest idea that he couldn’t even make me cum.

“Fuck baby,” David rasped. “You’re gorgeous”.

Fuck yes I was. I was probably his best fuck too.

“Oh God David,” I moaned. “Yes like that”.

“Claim this pussy, mark my kitty and make it yours.” I said quietly.

I had to speak dirty for me to make myself cum. David didn’t fancy the thought of speaking dirty during sex. He found it unnerving.

“Oh my God, yes right there,” I kept moaning.

“I’m going to come,” I panted, cheeks flushed. My fluids thickened as David slipped his cock inside me again.

“Oh god,” I screamed as David plowed deep into me once again. My walls closed in on his cock. And then it happened my orgasm blossoms and I’m screaming as David continued to thrust deep inside of me.

“SHIT!” David roared, his chest heaving as his dick erupted.

“Shit, fuck, shit,” I moaned.

Ecstasy roared through me making my knees buckle as David kept cumming in me.

“Awesome,” David murmured when he was able to speak. “That was the best sex of my life”.

If only he knew it wasn’t the best sex of mine. I let out a mutter of agreement so I could please him.

The next morning, the sunlight woke me up. It slipped through the gap in the curtains and stretched across the room, warm and golden, as if the world outside had decided it was going to be a beautiful day.

I honestly wished I felt the same way. Sex seemed to be my only escape. After sex, reality dawned on me.

Beside me, David was still asleep. His arm was draped across the mattress, his face peaceful in a way that irritated me more than it should have. I loved him but things between us were so weird. I honestly loved David, I knew I did but staying with him was like settling for less.

A soft vibration broke through the silence. I totally forgot about my phone. I reached for it on the bedside to see 7 missed messages. They were all ftom Amara, my bestie.

The first one was from early last night.

Are you alive?

The second one came about 20 minutes later.

Don’t tell me you ignored me for that boy again.

The third made me smile despite myself.

Call me when you wake up. I’m serious.

I shook my head.

Amara had always been able to read me better than anyone else.

Sometimes better than I could read myself.

I climbed out of bed and walked toward the bathroom.

Then I reached for my phone and called Amara.

She answered on the second ring.

“Finally.”

I laughed.

“Good morning to you too.”

“It was morning three hours ago.”

“You’re dramatic.”

“And you’re avoiding my questions.”

There she was. Classic Amara, always straight to the point.

“What questions?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe why you’ve been acting weird for weeks?”

I rolled my eyes.

“You make it sound like I’m plotting world domination.”

“You’re not important enough for world domination.”

I gasped dramatically.

“Rude.”

“Answer the question.”

My smile faded.

Because despite the joking tone, Amara wasn’t wrong.

Something had been bothering me.

For a long time.

I just hadn’t found the courage to say it out loud.

“I don’t know,” I admitted quietly.

“Don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if things are supposed to feel this hard.”

Amara always knew when to stop joking.

“You mean with David?”

“Yeah.”

A long pause followed.

When she finally spoke, her voice was gentle.

“Do you still love him?”

The question hit harder than I expected.

Because the answer came immediately.

“Yes.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I stared at the mirror. At my reflection and my disheveled Afro.

The problem is that love doesn’t automatically fix everything.”

Amara didn’t interrupt. So I continued.

“I feel like we’re stuck.”

“I keep telling myself things will get better. That we’re just going through a phase. But what if we’re not?”

Another pause.

“Maybe you need to figure out what you actually want.”

I frowned.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’ve spent so much time worrying about what David wants that you’ve forgotten to ask yourself what you want.”

I opened my mouth to respond.

Then closed it.

Because for once, I didn’t have an answer. And that scared me more than anything.

After ending the call, I stood alone in the room for a long time thinking about my life and what I wanted for myself.

I pushed the thought away and splashed my face with water.

When I exited the bathroom, David was already awake and scrolling through his phone.

He barely looked up before muttering a greeting.

up.

“You’re awake.”

I nodded.

“Looks like it.”

He smiled faintly.

For a second, the familiar version of him appeared.

The one who used to make everything feel simple. Then the moment disappeared.

“I was thinking we could grab lunch later,” he said.

“Maybe.”

His smile faded.

“Maybe?”

“I have classes.”

“So do I.”

I folded my arms.

“Then you already know how busy things are.”

David came from a rich home so of course he could ditch lectures without repercussions but I had nothing to fall to if college didn’t work out and he wasn’t seeing things from my view.

David rubbed the back of his neck.

“You’ve been distant.”

I almost laughed.

The irony was unbelievable.

Me?

Distant?

I had spent months trying to keep us connected, trying to communicate. Months trying to fix things that neither of us wanted to acknowledge.

Now suddenly he noticed.

“I’m fine,” I said.

He studied me for a moment.

The look in his eyes suggested he didn’t believe me.

Honestly, I didn’t blame him.

I wasn’t sure I believed myself either.

After a few seconds, he nodded.

“Okay.”

That was it.

No further questions, just okay.

For some reason, that single word disappointed me more than it should have.

When he left the dorm room, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

I started preparing for lectures like a normal college student, not knowing this was the last normal day for me.