I was sitting in my dorm room and trying to read. Up until the afternoon, it rained like it was never going to stop but now the sky was as clear as day and shining brightly. Like it hadn't just drowned the whole streets in water. Right now, the sky had a perfect shade of red and orange, indicating that the sun was about to go down in a few minutes.

It would have been a brilliant view and a wonderful atmosphere for me to study, if it were not for my best friend. All of this nice weather was disturbed by my best friend's stupid questions. It felt more like nonsense to me. She had asked me the same question in different ways, even if I had already answered it many times.

“C'mon girl, accept it. It's just one damn party.” She said. When I didn't say anything, she continued talking.

“You are officially invited then why not? It's not like that I'm convincing you to go there as an uninvited guest.” She said and waited for my response or any sort of reaction. When she did not get one, she continued again.

“C'mon. You would get free food. You will get a chance to meet boys...” she stopped when she saw me giving her a look. No boys were allowed in my life. Not even allowed talking to one of them less than thinking about meeting them.

“Okay, fine. If not boys than girls. Maybe you would find a better friend than me.” She suggested and I raised one eyebrow at her.

“I can't handle another chatterbox.” I said and she snarled at me.

“You are mean. But please, you will have fun, for once.” She said. I gave her a little shake of my head.

“Viri, C'mon. Let's go.” For the millionth of time Shirley said to me. I frowned at her and looked back at my book.

“Nope.” I said in one clear-cut word. She threw a pillow at me and I glared at her.

“Why not?” She asked me, folding her arms around her torso and pouting a little. I shook my head at her question. Even though she was well aware of Why, she still asks for the reason over and over again. So I gave her my best answer.

“Because my work is pending. I did not even start my assignment less than finish it. Also, I would be beaten to death if my mom found out that I was outside having a party and meeting Boys. So no, thank you.” I told her. I picked up the book that rested on my lap and slid off the bed to sit on my study chair. Furthermore, I tried to focus on the book I was reading. Something about Russian Revolution. I was so distracted by her questions and babbling that I could not even focus now.

What was I reading? God, Where was I?

I had a history assignment to do and I had not even started that yet. God knows what would happen if I won't be able to submit it in time.

“Oh C'mon. We are teenagers. If we don't have fun now than when will we?” She asked.

“We are not getting any younger you know. Now C'mon. Be a sport. Your parents won't even find out about it. Nobody will tell 'em.” She told me. She was whining like a little baby. Like she was a little kid who was trying to pursue her mom to buy her a chocolate.

I sighed.

She was not wrong. I am sixteen. Still, I had never and I mean never, in my whole life had gone to a single party. Not once had I felt what a 'Normal' teenager should feel like.

But it is not my fault. My family is so conservative that even getting a chance to study is a privilege for me. Approximately 130 million girls around the world don't get it. I think I am fortunate enough to get an education. Just not enough to feel free like a normal human being.

I spun around in my chair and looked at the person who was giving me the puppy eyes. To be very honest, for once I wanted to feel what a normal teenage girl should feel like. I wanted to feel what it's like to go to a party and have fun. Feel what it's like to give up the worry of studies and assignments for once.

Every girl deserves that right?

Even me?

At least, for once?

My heart wanted to let go but my mind held the non — existent barriers.

Yes, I didn't have my parents with me right now but it doesn't mean that I didn't know what I was doing.

It is easy for people to say, 'Why don't you just let go? You are an adult. Your parents can't stop you.'

Ha. Like I did not know that already.

Like they think it was that easy.

They can say it because they never live in the situations that I did.

My life is not mine.

My choices are not mine.

I don't make my choices but they do.

I don't control my life but they do.

What they don't understand is that people like me had been raised like this. That even the idea of having a little fun made me feel guilty.

I know my parents are not watching me. Or keeping an eye on my every move. Or checking if I was wearing a short dress or make up. Or if I was crossing the limit of being a girl.

But still. Still.

I always FEEL what they would do or how would they behave like if they see me doing all the things that I was not supposed to.

I can always feel the surrounding barriers. And what might happen if they were broken in any way.

“You know, all you always do is, make excuses. One after another. Try breaking them once. And see how it feels like.” She said in a bit of a harsh tone.

Her words hit me like a brick and it hit on the right mark. I felt a pinch because of how accurate and true her words were. I DO always make excuses for not to do a thing. Even though I have an option to choose it. I DO make excuses. But I also can't let go of the feeling that I was guilty of attempting a crime.

So for once, I let my heart get ahead of me and let it make decisions.

I gave her a tiny smile and asked her, “Where's this place?” I asked her and she squealed like a crazy girl.