"Damn, your Adam's apple is seriously hot."
Perched on the man's lap, Qiao Xi let the words slip from her lips.
Before her was a face so strikingly handsome it bordered on unreal—his dark, fathomless eyes fixed on her without a flicker of emotion.
The next second, her entire body was airborne.
"Hey, hey, hey! At least throw me gently—"
**THUD!**
She face-planted into the lawn outside.
A sudden chime echoed in her mind.
**[Ding!]**
**[Congratulations, Host, on completing your first Truth-Telling Mission! I’m the Honesty System, Little Six! Current shock value earned: +50. First-time reward: Newbie Gift Pack. Would you like to claim it?]**
Spitting out a mouthful of grass, Qiao Xi growled,
"Claim."
She snatched up a nearby water bottle and gulped down half of it in one go.
*Damn it, those bodyguards really don’t hold back!*
**[Newbie Gift Pack successfully delivered!]**
**[Item Obtained: Marriage Certificate*1, Registrants: Qiao Xi, Yu Sinian]**
"Pfft—"
A mouthful of water sprayed into the air.
What in the world did she just get?!
She whipped her head around, staring in disbelief at the RV behind her—the very one that served as Yu Sinian’s private lounge.
And Yu Sinian? He was the man she’d just shamelessly flirted with moments ago, a top-tier A-lister who had been a child star.
Five minutes earlier, Qiao Xi had received a mission from the Time-Space Administration: Yu Sinian, a supporting character in a tragic romance novel, had developed self-awareness and refused to fall for the female lead, Ye Sisi, as per the original plot. If this continued, the world would collapse. Her task was to steer the storyline back on track and ensure Yu Sinian endured the heart-wrenching love arc.
As the top performer in the Time-Space Administration, Qiao Xi had been dispatched into the novel *"CEO Li, Stop the Abuse, Your Wife Is Already Dead"*, taking on the role of the female lead’s best friend—the fake heiress of the Qiao family, Qiao Xi. Right now, she was participating in the first live broadcast of *Celebrity Swap*, a reality show where 12 celebrities would trade lives one-on-one with villagers. In short, the stars would experience farming and pig-rearing, while the villagers would step into the spotlight in their place.
The show had sparked immense curiosity the moment it was announced.
The biggest draw of this season? The life swap between Qiao Xi, the fake heiress, and Qiao Yuyi, the newly discovered true heiress from the countryside. The drama potential was off the charts.
For Qiao Xi, this should have been a breeze. After all, in one of her past missions, she had spent three whole years as a farmer, specializing in postpartum care for sows. Her skills were so impeccable that even passing village chiefs would stop and give her an approving nod.
But of course, she had to be stuck with this utterly useless system!
Xiao-6: "Master, I can hear you..."
Qiao Xi smirked. "What's the point of talking behind someone's back? Right, Old Six?"
"It's *Little* Six!"
"Sure, Old Six."
Little Six: "..."
Back at the Time-Space Administration, it had already heard of Qiao Xi's notorious reputation. All systems feared yet adored her!
The upside? Any system that managed to return after being assigned to her would receive a full upgrade.
The downside? Very few systems ever made it back.
Which was why, right now, it was the one desperate to escape—ahhhh!!!
Little Six forced itself to stay calm. "Master, I *do* have functions! Every time you're forced to tell the truth, I collect shock points from the people around you to level up! Each level unlocks an epic reward! For example, just now, you gained 50 shock points from Yu Sinian. Only 30 more, and you'll reach Level 1! The reward is *insanely* good—I swear!"
It was doing its best to entice her.
But Qiao Xi only scoffed. "How *insanely* good? Hmm? First, a marriage certificate, and next, Yu Sinian's virginity as a bonus?"
Little Six: ?!
"Not a bad idea." Qiao Xi tapped her chin thoughtfully.
Little Six: !!!
Qiao Xi: "Then I’ll torment him relentlessly until he’s left traumatized by women. After that, I’ll shove the female lead, Ye Sisi, into his life like some angelic savior, and boom—love at first sight. That’s how the plot’s supposed to go, right?"
**Xiao Liu:** "No no no no no no no!"
**"Attention, everyone! We're live!"**
The assistant's booming voice snapped Xiao Liu out of his system glitch panic.
Qiao Xi turned her head, dusted herself off with a few quick pats, and strode toward the gathering of guests.
*Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.*
After all, her life motto was simple: *Live if you can, die together if you can't.*
The guests clustered together, and the moment the camera landed on Qiao Xi, the live chat exploded.
**[Holy crap, Qiao Xi’s really here? Ugh! Get her off my screen!]**
**[Nah, this is gonna be hilarious! Wasn’t she always bragging about being some rich heiress? Turns out she’s a total fraud—I’m here just to laugh at her! HAHAHA!]**
**[Say no more, front row seats ready for the drama queen’s next fake sob story GIF!]**
**[Let’s all congratulate the Queen of Trash Films, Qiao Xi, on her new title: Gold Digger, Fake Heiress! Bet she knew all along and was just using the industry to snag herself a sugar daddy!]**
As Qiao Xi stepped into the frame, she immediately sensed the disdain radiating from those around her.
To her left stood her longtime rival, second-tier actress Ou Lan—fresh off a recent feud over billing order.
To her right was Zhou Ninghuan, her contractual "boyfriend" from two years ago, who had just crawled out of the director’s bed last night and promptly replaced another guest on the show.
Everyone was all smiles on the surface, but behind the scenes—where the cameras couldn't see—the teams on both sides were already rolling up their sleeves, sparks flying.
"And now, I declare *Celebrity Swap* officially on air!"
Director Jin Minmin stepped forward.
"Next, let's have everyone greet the audience and answer some live-stream questions! We'll start with Oulan!"
Oulan stepped up, her freshly done Korean-style double eyelids looking effortlessly natural, her face plumped with youth-preserving treatments.
"Hello everyone, I'm Oulan," she cooed in a deliberately sweet voice. "The first question I drew is from a netizen called 'Belle of the Flock.' She asks—'Aren’t you and Qiaoxi on bad terms? Why are you doing a show together?'"
With that, Oulan covered her mouth and let out a tittering laugh.
"Who said we don’t get along? Don’t believe those gossip accounts! Hey, Qiaoxi, someone called us sworn rivals—isn’t that hilarious?"
She turned to Qiaoxi.
Qiaoxi didn’t laugh.
Qiaoxi didn’t even fake a smile.
Oulan’s expression faltered slightly.
Little Six panicked internally: *Master, you’ve got to at least pretend! The plot can’t collapse now! You don’t have to speak, but your face is downright terrifying!*
"What’s there to fear? The plot’s doomed either way—sooner or later," Qiaoxi said coolly. "As the great writer Lu Xun once said, *Better to torment others than suffer yourself.*"
Little Six: *Huh??? WHO??? Who said that???!!! Don’t think I’m illiterate!*
In the next instant, Qiao Xi stepped forward and positioned herself beside Ou Lan.
Xiao 6 immediately had a sinking feeling in her gut!
Ou Lan, on the other hand, let out a quiet sigh of relief.
She had thought Qiao Xi had lost her mind today, daring to go off-script. But it seemed she hadn’t completely lost her senses!
Meanwhile, Ou Lan’s agent whispered orders: "No matter what Qiao Xi says in a moment, twist her words immediately. Get her trending on today’s hot searches—maximize the buzz for Ou Lan!"
"Got it!"
The team sprang into action, ready to execute.
The camera zoomed in on Qiao Xi.
"Here’s the thing," Qiao Xi adjusted the microphone at her collar, her tone smooth and deliberate. "First of all, regarding our appearance on this show together, I’d like to thank Ou Lan’s agency."
Ou Lan smiled graciously, playing along.
The camera even cut to a close-up of the team, capturing their smug expressions.
Qiao Xi continued, unfazed. "Because if it weren’t for their *matchmaking*, she wouldn’t have *gotten so cozy* with the CEO of Tianhua Entertainment so quickly—securing this opportunity in record time."
Ou Lan’s smile froze. Her head snapped toward Qiao Xi, eyes wide with shock.
What… did she just say?!
**[????????????????????]**
A sea of question marks flooded the screen.
Seizing the moment before anyone could react, Qiao Xi delivered her final blows—
"Secondly, a big shoutout to Meida Hospital for performing her fifth hymen reconstruction surgery. Without your expertise, last night's performance wouldn't have reached its full potential."
"Next, heartfelt thanks to the chairwoman of Tianhua Entertainment. If you hadn’t been busy picking up your son from school on Thursday afternoon, this lovely couple wouldn’t have had the perfect opportunity to... *get acquainted*."
"And last but not least, kudos to Brand X Lace—your delicate craftsmanship truly helped them ride the waves *in style*."
"Congratulations. *Congratulations*."
Qiao Xi turned to Ou Lan, clapping slowly right next to his ear.
*Clap. Clap. Clap.*
*Clap. Clap. Clap.*
——
——
**Author’s Note:**
A chaotic, unhinged straight girl × a spoiled, scheming young master
No more chit-chat—hop on! Next stop: Happy Fun Land →→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→
Note: The translation adapts culturally specific references
e.g., "修补膜膜手术" → "hymen reconstruction surgery"
while preserving the sarcastic tone. The clapping is stylized for dramatic effect, and the author's note uses "unhinged" and "scheming" to capture the characters' exaggerated traits in a way that resonates with English-speaking audiences. The arrow train emulates the original's playful call-to-action.
