Let it be a bad dream.
I plead for my eyes to unfasten in a room painted in black. In reality, the cold metal car door holds my weight as I step into an ominous night. Rain cascades down from the heavens, drenching me head to toe in a mere instant. My mind is only now processing that it's pouring, and I'm unsure when the storm came in. This nightmare is like a dark cloud. It hovers over my head as I slam the car door shut.
Everything transpiring in my mind is an utter blur. The phone call my father received moments ago repeats itself in my memory like a broken record. I still hear my mother's laugh as she curled my hair this morning. I feel her warm lips kiss the right side of my cheek before I slipped out the front door to catch the school bus.
With every step I take, my lungs constrict harder. I try to suck in air, but there is a heavy weight drowning me. My brain refuses to register the sight of the mangled car wedged within the dense trees.
My Papa reaches out for my shoulder, and I shrug off his hand.
"Hayden, wait!" He cries out, but my heart hammers so loud in my ears his voice is a mere whisper. Police turn their gaze away from mine and they drop their heads. Paramedics slump over in the back of the ambulance. It’s plastered on their faces. I deny it. Maybe I'm overthinking. I must have heard the conversation wrong.
I walk along the wet pavement, splashing through the puddles. Skid marks on the road lead to the car. When I'm close enough. The crimson splatters stain my memory like they stain the broken windshield. A dark silhouette resides within the car.
My heart thrashes with such a powerful force it feels as if every bone in my body shattered.
I want to run up to the car. I want to pull her out. I wish to feel her warm hugs one last time. But my body refuses to move a fraction of an inch. All the emotions I feel blend into nothing but a cold numbness. The colorful happy portrait painting the life I possess washes away with this heavy storm. My Papa grabs my shoulder to swing me around.
I gasp. "M—Mom..." The muscles of my chin tremble trying to contain every atom in my veins from exploding.
"H—Hayden, please listen to me."
"N—no, no..." I choke on the words. " P—Papa, no, that's not her," my voice breaks.
I'm heaving in air unable to catch a breath. "Mom is coming home. She promised to make bread in eggs. I— I..."
"Hun..." My Papa swallows hard, the rims of his eyes burn. The heavy rain can’t even hide his tears. "They received the call a little too late."
"This isn't happening, she promised to come home..." my voice cracks. I stray away, glancing at the car, but his hands grip my cheeks to catch my attention. Hot tears stream down my eyes. I've never cried like this before. There is a rawness to it, like the pain was a hemorrhaging wound. I need to clasp onto something for support. Anything. A car. The hand of a stranger. Instead, my whole body sinks. I find myself crumple to the pavement with my Papa falling with me.
Tears swell in his aging eyes. He doesn't need to say it to me.
She's gone.
The woman I call my best friend. My mother. She’s dead. Nothing can change it. Nothing can stop the hurt that claws its way into my soul.
Heavy set footsteps come closer to us. A sheriff staggers over with lips pressed into a sad smile. "Mr. Bell..." the sheriff pauses holding out a firm hand to help my Papa to his feet. " I know this is difficult, but please, we need you to identify her."
"Alright," is all the words he musters up to say. He glances at me for a moment with a frown on his lips, and he takes in a deep breath. " I'll always be here for you Hayden. No matter what."
All I do is nod my head and wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. I watch them walk down the muddy slope to the car. It's then I can feel the cold rain sink into my sweater. This entire time my teeth chatter. I'm shivering. The only warmth left comes from my arms wrapped around my torso.
Suddenly, there is a snap. Loud enough to catch my attention through the rainfall. I turn my head in the direction of the sound, seeing nothing but police lights flashing off the wind—tortured trees. The branches creak and one breaks through the restless leaves, and lands on the side of the road. It catches my attention and I spot a silhouette lurking in the blackness of night.
Yellow eyes cut through the thick brush staring directly at me.
The shadow breaks through the trees, and its glowing eyes stay attentive on mine. A strange sensation makes the hairs on my neck stand. It forces me to take one step back. I have no idea what kind of animal it is until it breaks through the blackness and limps out. A black wolf emerges with gashes cut into his fur. The rain washes the blood to the muddy soil below as it approaches me with subtle steps.
A low whine comes from its lips and its eyes sulk. It sinks in. The wolf ran in front of my mothers car and she swerved in order to miss striking it. I suck in a deep breath as the life I once knew is opening into a dark chapter. One I am not ready to start reading. The wolf's head flew up with its snout reaching towards the billowing clouds above. A loud piercing howl carries itself past my shivering body and throughout the woods.
The howl of the wolf cuts scars into my heart. It cries with me and leaves me with a memory I’ll always carry.
