The doctor turned to me, “I need you to sit down please.”
I took a seat in the chair next to the examination table.
“What's wrong?”
The doctor let out a long sigh. She knew, in this case, she would not be delivering happy news. We already talked about the talk Evan's mother and I had.
“There is no easy way to say this, you're pregnant.”
I expected the news but expecting it didn't stop my stomach from dropping to the floor, and my heart from breaking. The words I said next, would haunt me forever. Never in my life have words hurt so much.
“Well, I need an abortion, and I need it fast. I have some money stashed away. I can afford it," I replied in a monotone voice.
I was completely numb. I had to be, though, to get through the next couple of days.
I barely heard the doctor when she explained, with a sad look on her face, “Alright, we can schedule for tomorrow, but I need you to understand something.
You are six weeks pregnant. Your baby is already starting to develop a heart and a brain. It isn’t fully developed yet, but your baby has a heartbeat. “
I couldn't believe it, I was sitting here so calmly talking about killing my own child.
I hung my head down in shame, “I have no choice.”
The words, "It has a heartbeat, your baby has a heartbeat,'' kept repeating in my head.
The doctor shook her head, “there’s always a choice.”
I left the room with tears threatening to spill from my eyes. What did she expect me to do?
Evan wasn’t going to help me raise this kid. To hear his family tell it, I was not worthy of even being in their home.
Baby or no baby, I wasn’t welcome to break bread with them.
I found out he didn't want kids. He didn't even like kids. The only thing I wanted was for everything to stay exactly the same.
The surgery went well, but naturally, I was sore, and not feeling like myself. Not to mention I was dealing with the mental ramifications of murdering my own flesh and blood. I was looking forward to going home and resting afterwards.
As I entered my house, I realized that Evan was already there on the loveseat. He had his feet stretched out on the table and was looking uncharacteristically sad.
“Why are you here, it’s Thursday?”
The day I met Evan he was already scheming up a plot. A business arrangement. He even proposed a contract to me.
He decided three nights a week would be sufficient. Three nights a week he would share my time and my body.
I would receive the house, I live in - and a monthly stipend. We both had something the other needed. I had warm beautiful flesh, and he had ungodly amounts of cash.
I feared I was pregnant for about two weeks. I never mentioned it to him. I didn't give him a choice, which made things pretty awkward.
As he walked toward me, it felt like the heat was radiating from his skin. His jaw was set in an angry scowl and his forehead wrinkled in anger.
I flinched when he put his hand on my cheek, just a little, but he could feel it.
My eyes threatened tears. I worried if they started, they would never stop.
"Why did you kill our baby, Adrianna?"
I wondered how he found out. My heart broke even more. Not only that but I was disgusted.
This man was about to get married to Laura. He dared to ask me, why I was making a decision that would affect the rest of my life; not his life- mine.
He swore to his mother that he never wanted to be a parent.
I took a step back and pushed his hand away from me. My eyes turned to little slits and I clenched my teeth. I decided anger was better than tears, and oh boy had I perfected that emotion.
“You are being ridiculous. You and I had a business arrangement. Nowhere in there did it say I had to be your baby factory.”
I winced inside as I said it. The look in his eyes turned to a murderous rage. I stepped back in fear. This was the first time I’d ever feared him.
As soon as I mentioned the agreement his whole demeanor changed. Suddenly, he was all business again.
“Wow, You really are a heartless wench.”
He glared at me one more time and then silently walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
Oh, but if only I was.
I laughed to myself.
Isn’t it ironic, that wherever I go – they are talking about Evan and Laura’s engagement? The whole town knows about it. There is no way I am going to let my child be called a bastard.
There’s nothing I could do about it now. I have a contract with him, and I need the money now more than ever.
I wish I could say I wasn’t in love with him. All of this would be so much easier if that were the case.
However, after two years of spending three nights a week with someone, it would be impossible to not catch some type of feelings.
I was suddenly completely drained. I had no choice, but to go to bed. I was just getting comfortable, and about to fall asleep, when the phone rang.
“Hello, Adriana? Where is the money for your brother? He is going to die without it. We need $120,000.”
I hung up and put the phone on the table. I was not trying to hear this right now. I just couldn't deal with it. Every month on the third, she called. It was the same old thing, and she was never late.
With a family like mine, Evan's mom was right. I did not deserve him-or a seat at the table. I deserved nothing more than my fractured life.
He was my half-brother, but that didn’t get me out of paying the full bill. I was completely obligated.
I know he is in pain in that hospital bed. He's unresponsive. However, right now, I'd almost take his place.
He’s always been eccentric and we never got along. It hurts me that he has had such a hard life, and it turned into this, but sometimes I hate him.
He is my brother, though, So I am stuck in this situation. You can't turn your back on family.
"But you can kill your baby," echoed through my head.
He was the reason I took the deal with Evan. How else was I going to afford my brother's care?
Anyone that knows about me and Evan, probably thinks I won the lottery.
The problem is, someone of his caliber could never have a life with someone of my background. So, I tried to keep my feelings at bay, but that didn't work.
I slept fitfully, and when I woke up in the morning, his side of the bed was still empty. I was still alone. I pretended like it didn't hurt, but it most certainly hurt.
My stomach growled, so I got up to eat. As soon as I walked out of my bedroom, I felt a presence. I walked hopefully into the living room, and there stood Melinda, Evan's mom.
I feigned indifference. I could not help but be intimidated to the point of fear by this woman. She had such a presence. It demanded respect and made me feel little.
“Oh, I am surprised to see you, how did you get in?”
She gave me a look of contempt, “this is my son’s house. What’s wrong with me being here?”
We got this apartment when we made our agreement. This is where we make love. I have considered this my home for two years. Just that quick, his mother made me realize I am a fool.
“As you wish,” I whispered.
“Evan is getting married to Laura. I am not sure if you knew, but you should.”
Of course, I already knew. Everyone knows. Was she coming over just to rub it in?
I went to the kitchen and drank some OJ like I was indifferent to the news. Like it wasn’t the whole reason I just had to go end the life growing inside me. Like I didn't feel like a piece of glass that was dropped on the sidewalk and shattered into a million different pieces.
“What do you want from me? The child is gone. It is gone.”
This whole ordeal was part of what brought me to the hospital to do what I never wanted to do. There was no way my child was going to be called a bastard. It was out of the question.
My breath caught in my throat, and I almost totally lost my cool. This will never do, she cannot see my weakness. She will take advantage.
“Please leave him. I will give you three million dollars, and pay for four years of your schooling. I will even get you a job when you come back. I know you’ve been studying home design. Just go away and go to school in another country.”
Does she think she can buy me off? The funny thing is she is offering me less than I would make if I stay. The terms of our contract have not been met. We signed for three years, not two.
Not to mention, I am a person of my word. I am not backing out of our agreement. Most importantly, I have crossed a line into unfamiliar territory. I can no longer imagine my life without him.
“Thank you for the offer, but I must decline. It is not your place to ask me to leave, and you insult me with what you're willing to pay. It is not my business if he wants to get married. My business is to stay here and honor my contract."
I may not have been welcomed at her home, but she can’t do a damn thing about me being here. I am staying and there was nothing she could do about it.
She could not believe my nerve. Outrage crossed her face, and then anger so deep that she no longer seemed to have an air of authority. She just looked like a petulant child.
"Your children shall all die in a river of blood, and you will never be welcomed among us. You are not one of us."
