CONNOR'S POV

I've been mentally exhausted lately and unable to live life as I should.

Thinking has been something I can't overcome.

phone rings

I turned to the other side of my bed to pick the call and it was my boss Mr Harris.

As I picked the phone from the floor and took it to my ear, I said hello with a bit of confusion and tiredness.

“Mr Harris?”

“Ah, there you are, Connor,” he spoke as if he were in pain or something.

“What do you want?” I asked impatiently, I didn't know why I was getting called down to work this early but whatever his problem was it sure wasn't going to be my fault.

“It's your friend Sarah, Connor, she seems sick,” Mr Harris paused for what seemed like forever before continuing,

“I'M NOT SICK! I JUST FEEL LIKE LOSING A FEW FEET,” I could hear the annoyance seeping into Sarah's voice on the other line.

“And you don't know how that happens?” I ask sarcastically.

“Yes, Connor, yes I do. In fact I've been diagnosed,” she huffed at me, sounding like she was about to snap.

“Well, can you tell her that she can wait until another day, when it's actually afternoon where I'm not just waking up in the middle of winter,” I replied with a slight bite to my words.

“That won't work, She's just overreacting because she misses her ex boyfriend so much.

You need to go over and bring her some breakfast, I don't think she has had anything to eat.” My boss replied

"I'm not missing that monster, I told you I've been diagnosed and I'm not acting out" She yelled from the background

“No sir,” I say simply, ending the conversation before I can get fired.

I put the phone back on the receiver and lay back down on my bed.

Some part of me wanted to really attend to Sarah and make sure she's alright but again I just don't want to, neither do I want to go to work and besides she does this almost all the time to get me to work when she clearly knows I can't come.

I knew I should have gone to work today, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyways, I've not been concentrating at work for a long time now. Infact I've not been able to concentrate on living at all for a while now.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

As I showered a lot of thoughts came flashing through my head, the fact that I'm a single Twenty five years old and also the thoughts of my Happiest Moments kinda flashed through my head afterwards.

You may wander, when was my happiest moment?, well it was when I was in this dreamy relationship with a guy named Jeff.

Jeff was a really sweet guy, a great actor when it came to showing affection.

He would always remind me how beautiful I am and how he loves the fact I embrace my masculine side and how he can't take his eyes off my beautiful brown eyes.

He was the sweetest and my first real boyfriend.

The other thing I remember fondly, however, is when we were walking home from the grocery store one afternoon and he kept talking on how much he loved being around me and how I'm different from his exs.

“I love being with you, it makes me feel alive,” he explained to me.

“Yeah? How come?” I blushed

“Because you make me feel happy, when we walk together I see all kinds of happiness spread over your face to crown it all you are not a boring person” he continued.

I looked at him shyly and said,

“you really mean that?”

He nodded his head excitedly, looking back ahead and smiling at the street.

That is actually one of my happiest moments, just being with him and hearing him tell me how important I was to him.

I Never thought I would be important to anyone except Heidi, seriously, but the moment Jeff came into my life he made me realize I too can be important to someone, I too can be special and wanted.

One of the things that attracted me to Jeff was his physique, he was a tall handsome guy who could make anyone fall in love with him any day of the week.

His chisled jaw looked well crafted and his chest was a sight to behold.

I also remember seeing him shirtless for the first time while walking along the beach and thinking how beautiful he was.

That day we went out on our second date and I picked the beach because I love the beautiful sight. I actually had a lot of fun that day and I would want to experience that again.

Jeff made me happy even though he was a bit of a cheat and I guess it's probably one of the reasons that he broke up with me after a few months.

I felt insecure telling him how I felt about his cheating behavior because I know that I couldn't live without him or I thought I wouldn't.

After everything I experienced with Jeff, I hoped for it not to change, I hoped we stayed together forever, I didn't want him to leave me but unfortunately he did and here I am showering alone in my bathroom and I might probably end up alone but who cares.

*********

Immediately I was done with my shower, I dried off, and dressed myself. My hair was dripping wet with the water that hit my back, but that's the only reason I was bothered by the weather.

I decided to put on a pair of black jeans, a black hoodie and headed downstairs.

Upon arriving I could smell the familiar scent of bacon and eggs that was emanating from the kitchen.

My stomach let out a small gurgle when I saw my best friend, Heidi, sitting on the couch eating some bacon and toast.

“Hey there,” I greeted with a smile.

“Hi Connor,” she responded giving me a small wave, still immersed into her meal.

"I thought you won't be waking up today" she added as she smiled.

I gave her a weak smile as I grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl and walked past towards the counter.

Once grabbing a glass of orange juice, I turned back to face her.

Heidi, my best friend is same age as I am but is more taller than I am, she's little bit at the plus size and she has this beautiful long hair and this captivating brown eyes that sparkles when she smiles.

She had come to spend the night with me after I almost took my life that afternoon, Hmm, Silly right? I know and Yes, I'm quite sucidal.

Jeff didn't just leave me like a normal guy who breaks up with his girlfriend, he left me with half of the money in my account gone just like that.

He made sure he took as much money as he wanted before he walked out of my life.

I only realised what he had done a day after he packed his things and left my house.

Well now as I eat breakfast and look at my friend Heidi I couldn't help but to be grateful for having her as my best friend or should I say a sister because she was all I had left in life.

Immediately after breakfast, she stood up and told me she would be going back to her house but she didn't leave without a warning.

As the both of us walked to the door she turned to me

"Don't try to kill yourself again else I'll kill you myself" she said as she walked out of the door.

I smiled and said goodbye to her before I shut the door behind her.

I walked straight to the kitchen to clean up the mess.

Once I finished cleaning up the kitchen, I walked towards the stairs and started taking them two at a time.

I made my way upstairs and stood outside the door to my room.

As I stared at the door I thought of Jeff.

"Was he a con artist or something? why did he make me so happy only to dash it all away in a twinkle of an eye.

Did he ever loved me as he said he Did? Did he even consider me as his girlfriend for once? I asked myself as I still stood rooted to the ground.

He was someone who came into my life when I was literally broken and alone, my only surviving blood relative, my brother had just died and I was in so much pain and anguish. I was literally finding it hard to picture living without my brother and I'm the midst of all this emotional chaos Jeff came into my life with hope.

I can remember vividly the day we met, it was in a hospital. I know it's not a romantic one but that day was so special to me.

I had just been told of the death of my younger brother Miles and being unable to breath nor believe them I ran outside to breath in some fresh air as the news was literally choking me.

As I ran with painful tears in my eyes I bumped into someone.

I looked up to apologise only to behold the most beautiful man who instantly caught me.

The way his eyes softened as he gazed at me, I was mesmerised.

I managed to mumble the word sorry to him before I tried to leave but fortunately or should I say unfortunately he held my hands stopping me from going any further.

He looked at me in the eyes and gave me his handkerchief.

As I took it from him, it had the nicest scent I've ever perceived.

"Use this to dry you tears" he said with the sweetest voice ever.

"Thanks" I replied with shaking voice.

He led me to the empty seat in front of the hospital without saying a word.

As I sat next to him, I subbed in the silent for a while and after a long while of silence I started thinking of what to say to break the silence between us but as I was about to thank him and leave he started telling me what brought him to the hospital.

He told me of how he had lost his sister to cancer that morning and how he Knows I just lost my brother since his sister's ward was opposite my brother's.

He told me how he had come back to clear the pending bills only to bump into me.

I couldn't say a word to him but he didn't give up, he changed the topic immediately and honestly he was very good in keeping a conversation flowing and in no time I was laughing and talking with him.

That was actually a happy moment. He made my brothers loss less for me and for some reason he was as funny as my younger brother and I guess that's one of the things that got me so attached to him. I saw him as the missing piece in my life.

Coming back to now, I sighed heavily after having those thoughts, opened my door and walked into my room.

I laid back on my bed wishing it was all a dream, wishing I would just wake up to Jeff beside me and he will hold me and say 'dont worry connor it was just a bad dream' but unfortunately it's reality, a reality I couldn't embrace.

The image of him walking out of my life has been imprinted inside my mind, more like printed and stamped.

I closed my eyes, trying to find the comfort in my surroundings but I only ended up crying .

That moment as I laid on my bed, I wished I didn't take a leave from work because anytime I'm at work, I think less of Jeff and more of work or maybe it had a lot to do with Sarah since she was always over me telling her silly jokes and fighting so hard to make me smile even if I wouldn't end up talking to her that day, which is kinda crazy.

I took my cellphone and called Hieldi and since she was busy with her boyfriend I had to end the call to return back to my head which was filled with the painful thoughts of Jeff.