Being a romantic, in how the movies moved you. In how the poetry, simply resonated with you. These things were beautiful, yet in this moment, in this instant, I found them profoundly painful, because reality had become such a cruel thing.

Sobs broke out of my chest as tears streamed down my face, my mind failing to process what my ears were hearing.

And if I had to be honest, some part of me was furious, at the audacity that the man before me, the man that had wasted my time, was displaying.

'Kane, so you're just gonna leave me? After everything?' I asked, my voice wobbly and cracking and he simply sighed.

As if, as if... It was some kind of chore, as if ruining my hope and shattering my heart, was simply another difficult task to do for the day.

'Ez, I just don't think I can do this anymore, we just seem to want different things,' he said with fake sympathy and I nodded before I wiped my face.

Different things?

Did he not love me?

Had these empty conversations about our future, simply been a wicked way to pass time?

'Alright then,' I said before I gathered my things from his apartment and made my way out of his life.

He wasn't even my type.

Hopefully that would keep me strong, while I felt my heart break further.

I loved him, yet I knew it, deep down, I never felt treasured by him.

He would only see me when it was convenient for him, always making excuses even though, we lived in the same city and went to the same university, I figured it was no big deal.

I figured that I wanted to be the understanding girlfriend. And for the life of me, I'm not sure when being laid back had translated into being a doormat.

I was stupidly blind.

Inlove with the concept of being loved.

Maybe I had anticipated this, a deeper part of me, acknowledged the lack of effort on his side. It wasn't that he had never tried, its not that he had ever been rude or mistreated me in any way, shape or form. It was simply the fact that he had never actually gone the extra mile for me.

That I had simply been with him, and chillingly as I walked down the side walk with my heart and belongings in tow, I had never been his.

I sighed again, as I continued my walk down the street.

I had been something of a convenience and now that I had pushed for more effort, for more emotion, for something other than this limbo that had become our relationship.

To feel like I meant the world to him. To simply feel alive, no... That was the romantic in me again, to feel safe in every way, I wanted to feel that way so desperately in his arms, but that was asking for too much.

In this case, wants and reality often missed each other and I, no matter how painful, I was thrown away so easily, it made me wonder if this love he had proclaimed to me, had ever been real to begin with.