I was laid on my king size bed which was in the center  of the room crying my heart out when I took a view on my room for the second time my Brown plaid sofa with heavy oak arms, a bookcase neatly stocked with paperbacks, family pictures on one wall, a china cabinet against another. Beautiful  gilded mirror a four-drawer Mosler combination safe, concrete-and-steel, good for material up to top secret , trestle table, lamps washed the window in a strong incandescent glow 

I sat right up on my bed and I started writing on my diary,

"Like the sea and the sky,

We reflect each other, you and I.

Past the moon and the stars,

You promised you loved me that far.

Now all the lies you've told

Have burrowed a hole deep inside my soul.

All those memories we share,

All that pain I cannot bear.

You broke my heart

Finding pleasure in tearing me apart.

Because of you, my happiness never lasts.

Because of you, I can only find darkness in my past.

You broke me down,

Left me collapsed in agony upon the ground.

You broke every promise that you ever made,

But still for your sins I must be the one who pays.

You stole my innocence that very day,

Leaving me no other choice"

When I was done I closed the diary and kept it on my four drawer combination safe mosler, I headed straight to the bathroom , the bathroom was clean. The tub and the towels were dry. The medicine cabinet above the sink had a mirrored door and behind it were over-the-counter analgesics, and toothpaste, and tampons, and dental floss, and spare soap and shampoo and scrubs . i perfume wudu

ablution

and sprayed my prayer Mat and wore my full length hijab and poured my whole heart to Ar-Rahman  "Oh Allah your my only dependent and I need you now the most , I only cry out to you and shout out your name for your my only dependent ya Allah continue  to lift Me above all Challenges of life & never impose on Me that which I have no Strength to bear. Ya Allah grant me your mercy and blessings forgive  my Deceased & Grant me a Successful Ending.

The last thing I never want to do is make mistake about choosing  the right partner but I don't know if luck is on my side  now. my mother has made  my life a living hell and I'm trying my best not to let her words deceive me , but her words keeps haunting me and I hate her for that wllhi , i was only a child , I was just 2years old , how on earth I'm I going to live the rest of my life without her words haunting me. my father who I hardly talk to and get along with just because of my mother's words and my step mom who loved me so much and raised me with so much love and care but at the end I only gave her pain nothing but pain. my siblings are afraid of me , but yes I'm jealous because they all make a beautiful team , but I'm always locked up in my room and I hardly say a word to anyone , I've experienced a lot of things at a very young age , I  Amaani Amin Nasir Galadanci  has experienced nothing but pain and regret throughout my life and the only place I feel safe at is my diary, yeah my diary.