"Pardon? Wha-what do you mean father"?
I ask nervously, not believing his choice of words. I put down whatever I was holding on the table and placed my hands under, gripping to the fabric of my obsidian colored dress.
After my class with my private tutor in the study hall I was promptly convene to the dining room. I was astonished when I saw them. My parents, visibly sitting on one of those luxurious chairs where I once sat all by myself. After eighteen years, i'll be having some real time with them and it excites me — other than just go as a family in well known gatherings and business relations.
I thought that for once, they would see me not just some accessory for their image in social hierarchy. I was blessed with good features that made them boost their confidence—more like ego, bragging about my so called "pulchritudinous", my grades, they always told me to do this and that...and I never disobeyed every instruction.
But today I'm not sure if I still can comply.
Father took a sip from his champagne, wiping his wet lips with a yellow bandanna before turning his head to me. His eyes bore into mine with solemness making him intimidating.
"Your mother and I made an agreement to the lovarietta family about your betrothal to their only son".
He said smoothly. Like he doesn't even care how I'll feel with this matter. I feel loss for words. My hands were shaking but I still manage to hold on to my dress, eyes becoming teary.
I look at mother pleadingly, that this is absurd. Most mothers would run towards her child, hug her, kiss her but she's not most of them. She simply glance at me with bluntness before turning her attention back to him.
I bowed my head and close my eyes, unable to decipher what I was seeing. How could they? Don't they care about me at all?
"Two days from now, you will meet their son. Make sure to be in his good side. Do you understand me"? My father chauvinistically ask but I couldn't make a sound. Like a lump formed in my throat.
I couldn't think clearly. I'm fighting with my inner self right now. Shall I obey? Should I be the good girl they want?
*stop*.
My ears prickle, hearing the voice echoing in my mind or in other words, my subconscious.
*Are you letting them take your freedom away*?
No. I want to be free...I want to get away.
*Have you forgotten your dream to go to north america"?
That's right. When I was young I would always aspire to go there. Live normal, go to school as a teenager and fill my ambitions there.
*They've had enough. Its time you make your own decisions*.
My eyes shot open, making me realize. They've had enough. I want to live like others do. I want to be free like the—
"Vella, are you listening"!
My head snap towards mother with a vexing expression. A tear slowly move down my cheek and the look of her eyes change but quickly shift to her usual nettlesome.
"Well, its all settled then". Said he, slowly standing on his chair and putting down his bandanna and mother did the same.
It'll be too late once they step out of here. I can't stand it anymore, its all or nothing.
"N-no". I spoke lowly but loud enough to notice them that I said something.
"Did you say something vella"? My mother ask. This is it. There's no going back. I slowly stood up, lifting my head, darting my eyes from to the both of them.
"I said...no".
"Are you against something"? He ask intently watching, making me shiver but I keep my eyes trained on them. I won't let them affect me anymore.
"Yes. Father. I'm against the engagement. Oh wait I am against...everything".
I spoke loud and clear and both of them was taken aback at my sudden words. I smirk internally, Probably they thought I would always be their good girl, will they thought wrong.
"Father I can't be betrothed, I'm just eighteen".
"You can't argue with me child. Its all settled".
I slammed my fist on the table, feeling the pain seeping in but I ignored it. I glared to the both of them.
"All my life, I've obeyed both of you. I follow every instruction, listen to every rule. I've let myself be a fucking puppet just so you could acknowledge me but I had enough of this! I blurted out cursing unconsciously.
"Don't you dare curse in front of me and raised your voice! Where are your manners! Father roared and hell I was terrified. My heart is beating fast out of my conformity, hands trembling.
"Manners my foot, I wouldn't be like this if you have manners yourself"!
"Vella stop! its for the good of our company! Your father's image is impor—". Mother occurred.
"I'm not an object mother"! I burst out interrupting her, tears streaming down my face. "I'm not an accessory that you could just give to someone, I'm human...I have feelings but you're always fucking hurting me"! I spoke, tears rushing down my cheeks, breathing uneven.
"Is that all you cared about? Image? Popularity? Don't you care about me at all? Am I nothing to the both of you"?
I put my hand on my mouth to keep myself from sobbing and all fell silence aside my cries. They didn't made a move, nor speak for a moment. All the tears that I've been holding for a long time just explode.
"Nonsense"! My father stated, clearing his throat like a rock has been stuck. "We did all of this to give you a better future. All you have to do is to abide that simple request". Said he, before striding out of the room with his usual poker face.
"Its not that simple father! You're giving me away when all I ever wanted is a time with you two, all I want is to feel that I'm loved...by you"! I outcry while running out of the room.
"Vella"! Mother called, yet I didn't stop. I keep running until I have enter my room and locked it. My back face the door and slowly sit curling into a ball.
"All I want is your attention"
I close my eyes whispering and crying with all my might. I couldn't take it anymore. It hurts. It hurts so much that they can easily give me away like an object and worst is to someone I don't even know. I never had friends since I'm homeschooled, my parents were always away, leaving me alone every single day in this voluptuous mansion. The dark is my friend, where I always belong, and its slowly creeping inside me.
I feel trapped. I couldn't breath anymore in here. Nobody cares about me, not even my parents. They don't care about what I feel, image is all to them. And I'm not planning on staying here any longer.
I want to be free. And I don't care about anything anymore. I can't force them to listen to me when they don't want to. I stop crying then wipe the tears, breathing in and out before finally opening my eyes that burns with determination.
Enough is enough.
I've made up my mind.
I'm getting out of here.
