Amina
I was nauseous.
He made me nauseous.
The man I once loved, I now despised, and the things I once cherished about him, I now cursed. His scent, his warm and peppery breath, and the heat coming off his body as it crushed mine did all but make me beg for death.
"No!" I struggled to say under him. "Get off me! Please, Micheal!"
"Shhh," he whispered, running his pale fingers over my lips. "Close your eyes, my little flower."
"Stop, Micheal! You promised! You promised you wouldn't hurt me!" I thrashed and cried louder as I dug my broken nails into his face.
But Micheal remained impervious to my pleading. I knew that neither my tears nor the blood trickling down his cheeks could have made him stop now. My pain was his pleasure and my begging his addiction. The more I suffered, the better he felt. So instead, he laughed as he lifted my head high and brought it down against the hardwood floor violently. His lustful eyes tripled in size as he watched me grow breathless and woozy under him, slowly losing all strength.
"Close your eyes, my love," he whispered again as he pinned my arms above my ears and readjusted himself on top of me.
Micheal licked and kissed my lips, prying for a passage while his hands uninvitedly crept their way down my chest to my stomach. Then, with his right knee tucked under my thigh, he forced my legs open and pushed his fingers inside me.
"You weren't supposed to be here, flower. You weren't part of my plans," he let out between grunts as I winced in pain. "I don't wanna hurt you, Mina, but you give me no choice. Close your eyes, my love," he told me again, his disgust for me seeping through his teeth.
There would be no fourth warning, I could tell. Micheal was done talking. He was ready to claim, once again, what he felt what his to take. And so this time, as the haunting sound of his jeans coming undone ripped through the air, I gave up and did as told.
———
"Mina? Mina?" I could hear my best friend's worried voice grow louder and clearer as it began to pull me out of my thoughts and banish to the back the uninvited memories of my ex-boyfriend.
"Babe, are you okay?" she asked, only this time, my eyes suddenly popped open, and I found her standing over me, eyebrows drawn close together and left hand covering the base of her cellphone.
"Mina?" Roxanne asked again, but when no answers followed, spoke into the phone instead. "Umm, you know what, Dad? We'll just wait for you and mom, I think," she said before hanging up and sitting beside me on the bench.
I could feel her bright, greenish eyes carve a hole on the side of my face as she waited for me to say something, but I didn't want to speak. Not about him. Not anymore. Because Micheal's ghost never came alone, and every thought of him brought along unspeakable fear, heartbreaking shame, and guilt too heavy to bear. And if I couldn't keep him from taking over my subconscious, I could, at the very least, try to block him from my conscious mind. Or so I hoped. But the truth was that no matter what I did or where I went, Micheal's presence hung over me as both a painful reminder of my past and a bad omen.
"Mina?"
"What?" I sighed, turning my head towards my stubborn friend. "Are your parents picking us up?" I said, hoping to change the subject.
"They'll be late," she replied dryly before asking, "What were you thinking about, Mina? Him?"
"Yes," I answered and saw Roxanne, who was used to a little more resistance from me, cast a surprised look at my sudden and blunt honesty. "I think about him all the time," I admitted. "I know he's gone, Roxy, but in my mind, it’s like he's never left, and lately," I paused, unsure of my next words.
"And lately what? You see him, don't you? Is this why you wanna leave? Because-"
"Not this again," I moaned and jumped to my feet before answering, "We talked about that already."
"I know, but-"
"It's just a new contract," I groaned, struggling to pick up my heavy, black duffel.
"Yes, but it's so far away!" she quickly answered as she mirrored my moves with less effort on her part. "I didn't say anything with the other assignments because you were still close by, but this time… I just- I can't let you, Mina. It's too far. How can I keep an eye on you over there?"
"Keep an eye on me?"
"You know what I mean. I'm your best friend, and it's my job to protect you. What? It is," Roxanne shrugged at the sight of my exasperated glare. "It's true! And, believe me," she insisted as she followed and trailed up the road behind me. "I will protect you better now that we're here in Jester."
"Oh my God, why do you keep saying that? What is it about this place that makes you think I'll be safe here?" I asked, rolling my eyes, baffled by my friend’s newfound attitude towards her hometown." You left here six years ago," I reminded her. "And you haven't looked back since. I mean, you barely even talk about Jester. When was the last time you came back, huh? And I'm supposed to believe this is the best thing for me? Why Roxy? I swear, ever since-"
"Yes. Because Micheal, he- Mina, you wouldn't get it right now," she mumbled, cutting me off. "You didn't see what I saw."
"And you didn't go through what I did," I disagreed, sighing as we came to a complete stop near the black road. "You may think you know what's best for me, Roxy, but you don't. You have no idea what I need, and you barely give a shit about what I want. Face it; we wouldn't be here if you did."
Roxanne's jaw clenched as she stood silently beside me, and while I could read the effects of my harsh words on her face, at this very moment, I could only feel frustration seeping through me. Of course, I loved her, but if it were up to me, I would already be tens of thousands of miles across the great Atlantic, running away instead of spending my summer trapped in a strange town with just my best friend and a family she had yet to introduce. And so, yes, I had resentment, and it was pretty damn hard to hide.
"What are we doing?" I let out sharply after a while, realizing I had aimlessly led us nowhere in particular. "Are we waiting for your parents here?" I asked again, looking back towards the bus station.
"No," she replied in a small voice and pointed east. "Downtown's about two miles that way," she said before suggesting, "We could go eat."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," I mumbled, showcasing one more time my lack of enthusiasm.
I wasn't trying to hurt Roxanne, but I couldn't help my feelings.
For three years now, I lived my life on the edge, scared and paranoid all the time that Micheal would finally come back as he promised. And, most days, that fear pressed me so tight it was as if it could drive the air right out of my lungs. I was suffocating, slowly dying, and the only thing I wanted was to flee where he could never find me again. Roxanne didn't quite understand that, and I couldn't blame her, but what I, in turn, didn't understand was her growing obsession with Jester since the night he disappeared. What was so great about this place that we absolutely had to come?
Fifteen hundred people and a square so tiny it could barely hold a third. This was just another small-time town, nothing more. And after a short and uncomfortable twenty-minute walk, I was proven right. Downtown Jester was every bit as underwhelming as Roxanne described it to me when we first met. There was only one blue fountain surrounded by a few run-down buildings; a grocery shop, a pharmacy, and a hardware store, among other things.
"I told you," Roxanne chuckled lowly as she watched me scan our surroundings with a narrowed brow. "Yeah, my home is nothing to brag about, but the people…," she trailed off, sighing and said, "Let's go to Lou's; they make great burgers," and took off towards what seemed to be the only restaurant in the square.
As soon as we entered, several people smiled and nodded at my friend, and before the hostess even sat us down in one of the leather booths, a teenage waitress had come up to us, menus in hand.
"Hi, Miss Miller. Welcome back," she greeted my friend and walked away, moments later, with our order scribbled into her notepad.
"Miss Miller?" I raised an eyebrow, questioning Roxanne. "What's up with that?"
"It's a long story," she whispered with a half-smile.
"Great," I snickered. "Another we can add to the rest."
"No. Not this one," Roxanne shot back instantly. "Look, I know we're used to hiding things from each other, and right until now, I was okay with that. It was selfish, but I figured the less I pestered you, the less you'd question me, right? But then, that night, when I saw what Micheal was…" she drew in a small, shaky breath. "I mean, after what happened, Mina, there's no way I can hide the truth from you any longer."
"What are you talking about? What truth?" I asked, confused yet a little curious.
"I'm talking about the fact that from the moment we've met, I could feel Jester is where you belong. There's something here, Mina, with you, for you. I just hope I'm right."
"Roxy? What-"I tried to say, suddenly interrupted by an older couple approaching.
"I promise, babe, you'll see soon enough," she whispered before turning to the newcomers.
