"No, please don't beat me, please I beg you. I.. I swear I'll finish all these works before evening. I swear." Ivana woke up all sweating and panting. "Not again... not again God. I thought I'd be able to sleep peacefully without having sleeping pills at least for a day but no. I was wrong. Hash! why did I even forget to keep an extra stock of pills!"
While looking at the sky full of stars and moon, a drop of tear rolled down from her brown eyes.
"Why did you leave me alone dad? mom? You were supposed to be with me right? You were supposed to be with me and support me, sing with me laugh with me, share your opinions with me, make me smile when I go through pain. Why did you leave me alone?"
"It would have been better if you'd have taken me along with you that day. I was waiting for you people in my princess gown. Your princess was waiting for you dad, that my dad is bringing my favourite chocolate cake for me on my birthday with a Barbie on top of it. I was waiting for you mom. I was waiting for the tiara you'd make for me on my every birthday. But you left me forever. You promised me mom dad that you'd come soon with my cake and tiara. But you left me alone forever. I miss you mom dad. I hope you people are watching over me from where ever you are."
When she starts thinking about her parents, she remembers every sweet moments she spent with her parents. The cookies they baked together, the cute fights between mom and dad over the dress Ivana should wear on her birthdays, the songs they used to sing together, how her father taught her to play piano. A sweet smile escaped from her lips. But then she remembered the pool of blood in front of her eyes on her eleventh birthday and reality hit her.
She looks over the star for one more time and covers up her face with a fake smile that she has been wearing since years. Then she start penning her pain to her companion, her dear diary. The only one who knows the pain inside her heart, the only one who knows pain behind her fake smile!
"DEAR DIARY, I don't know what would I do if it wasn't you with whom I'd share my pain and my feelings. Thank you for always being there for me, for always listening to me without any complaints and letting me explain what I feel and go through. Guess what, I again had that nightmare. The one I've been trying to avoid all my life."
"I just want to know whether God has planned all the worst in the universe for me? Whenever I try to forget about everything although I know it's impossible, things just go opposite. it's been six years, I need to have sleeping pills every night or else I would have to face the nightmare again. And I guess this is what will happen to me all my life."
"You know what, I just wish I could change my fate, my life and my memories. I swear I could do anything to do so but alas! That's not what is going to happen. I need to face all the pains and agonies all my life. DEAR life, you've already given me enough troubles, would you be kind enough to leave a tiny bit of happiness in my life?"
