While lying there, ass shoved in the air and face squashed into the feather pillow, I thought about how uncomfortable the position was. I mean it shouldn’t have been going through my head, at all, but whatever he was doing back there clearly wasn’t good enough to stop my mind drifting away from the task in hand. Recently he’d been attempting to show his dominance in the bedroom. So, when he positioned me on all fours and grabbed a fist full of my hair, I just went with it. To be honest I was intrigued by the direction he was going.

He aggressively pushed my head into the pillow, and I offered very little resistance. I was hoping that his display of authority would raise my excitement level. It didn’t. He pounded into me as hard as he could, while gripping onto my hips like his life depended on it, but his efforts at pleasing me were futile. Now, it wasn’t like he was lacking in the package department or anything, but he just couldn’t satisfy me. No Beta man could.

Over the years I’d become a dab hand at faking it, and none of them ever noticed that I didn’t climax, or they didn’t particularly care. Either way, sex had become depressing for me. The guys always had their happy ending, some sooner than others, but I was left feeling frustrated and empty. Literally. As I reached my twenties, even satisfying myself became an impossible chore. I was convinced that there was something medically wrong with me. There had to be.

Turning my head to the side, I stared at my bathroom door, thinking, I wish he’d finish already, so I can get on with my day. He let out a pathetic growl, and that was my cue. While producing a few enthusiastic moans and groans of my own, I made sure to increase the volume with each slap of his hips against my ass. After a few more thrusts, he whimpered into his pathetic climax. Like so many Beta men before him, his noises, growls, and grunts just irritated me.

I’m sure most Beta women found him and other Beta men, primal and dominant, but I never did. I’d made it my mission to find a Beta that would satisfy me sexually, but I hadn’t been successful in my quest. He collapsed onto my back, and as he did, droplets of his sweat slid down my hip. I cringed while pretending to catch my breath. For once I wished that those fake gasps for air could have been real. He rolled off of me and flopped onto the bed like a proud buck. Reaching behind me, I tugged at my thong, pulling it up my sweat-soaked thighs and over my ass, before flipping over to get off the bed. As I dragged my dress down, his arm wrapped around my waist and heaved me back onto the bed.

“Jax, what are you doing?” My dominant tone sounding more pissed off than I’d intended.

He brought me to his chest and swept my hair aside. I rolled my eyes and let out an agitated huff when he nuzzled my neck. Affection wasn’t something I enjoyed, and he knew that, but that didn’t stop him trying.

“Ugh, fine,” he snapped while aggressively shoving me away from him.

Luckily for me, I had great reflexes, and as I flew off the bed, I managed to right myself and land on my feet instead of my head. It was lucky for him too, because if he'd hurt me, I’d be kicking his ass right about now.

“What the hell, Jaxon!”

“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated. I want to do more than just fuck you. You know that I’m in love with you. For God’s sake, Lia. I don’t understand why you won’t let me show you any affection.”

He sounded so whiney, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling again when he threw himself back onto the bed and covered his face with his hands. Most women swooned over Jaxon, and I couldn’t blame them, because he was gorgeous. He had raven hair and piercing blue eyes that were even more stunning against the backdrop of his olive complexion. His body was completely covered in tattoos and ripped beyond belief, for a Beta and there was no doubting that he was an extremely handsome man. We got along great too. He was funny, smart, and romantic. I should have been elated that he wanted to be with me, but there was something missing. Just like any man I’d ever been with; Jaxon wasn’t enough for me.

I didn’t fully understand it myself, because no matter how much I wanted it to work out between us, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was feeling empty and dissatisfied. I concluded that I was either defective, or just acting like a stuck-up brat. That’s what my father always called me. He said that nothing was ever good enough for me and even though I knew that wasn’t the case, after years of being told the same thing by him and others, I decided to become the person they thought I was. No one bothered to get to know me properly, they just formed their own opinions of me.

Their perception of me was always based on my looks, money, privileged upbringing, or family's status, none of which defined me as a person, but as they thought they knew everything about me already, I just gave them what they wanted. I gave them Lia, the spoiled rich bitch with a cold heart and bad attitude. It’s not like I wanted to be that person, I just found it less painful than letting them see me as the real Dahlia. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure who Dahlia was anymore, all I knew for sure, was that wearing my Lia mask kept me protected.

“You know why, Jaxon. My family would never accept you as my mate,” I let the lie roll off my tongue, like I’d done with so many lies before it.

After making my way over to my closet, I began sifting through my designer clothes.

“No. I know that's the bullshit reason you gave me. Your mother loves me. I want the fucking truth, Lia.”

The gravel in his tone sent a pulse through to my bud for the first time in my life and it excited me. I spun around in disbelief, because he’d never sounded so dominant, and I loved it. Sadly, my excitement was short-lived. My nose scrunched up with disgust when he got up from the bed and pull the semen-filled condom off his flaccid cock. He threw it in the trashcan bedside my bed, before pulling on his boxers and suit pants. While mumbling under my breath about how disgusting he was, I turned back to my closet and reached for a dress.

Just as my fingers brushed against the delicate silk fabric, Jaxon’s hand clamped tightly around my wrist. He whirled me around to face him and I expected him to demand that I explain myself, but I didn’t get the chance to, because his other hand shot out and grabbed me by my neck. My eyes sprung open when he slammed me up against the wall and the sudden force of my back hitting the solid surface winded me a little. His hand squeezed my neck even tighter and although I would have been able to fight him off, I was strangely enjoying the unexpected roughness, so I let him continue his anger filled assault. After stepping closer to me, he growled into my ear,

“This is the real reason, isn’t it?” His voice was so deep and dominant.

I’d never heard him like that before. My body shivered with pleasure when his warm breath gently brushed against my neck. Hope swirled around inside me. Maybe he can finally be the man I crave? No. Need! That hope instantly died, when he reached into his pocket and brought out my ticket for tonight’s slave auction. With an overwhelming sense of disappointment, I placed one hand on his chest, and my other on the ticket. With one swift shove of my hand, he stumbled backwards, simultaneously releasing my neck and the ticket.

“What are you insinuating, exactly?” I strolled over to the dressing table, picked up my purse and put the ticket back inside.

“You’re going to buy an Alpha, aren’t you?” He spat, his obvious pain and jealousy lacing every word.

I closed my eyes and sighed while dropping my purse onto the table. That was exactly what I was going to the auction for, but I couldn’t bring myself to be honest with him. I couldn’t break his heart. The real me, the genuine Dahlia, was kind, and sweet. I didn’t enjoy hurting people, or being cruel, but my life had made me cold. Detached almost. It was a constant battle within my head, like somehow, I was supposed to be someone else. Inside I felt more like my mom, she was an Omega. She was sweet, loving, and kind. I felt like that on the inside too, but as a Beta I knew I wasn’t like my mom, and I sure as hell wasn’t like my father.

My dad was an Alpha, and a mean one at that. He was an abusive and cruel asshole, and I’ll be honest, the day he died, was one of the happiest days of my life. He never accepted me. He expected me to be an Alpha, or at the very least an Omega. When the test result came back, and my birth certificate was filled out, he wasn’t happy at all. Throughout my life, he thought my mom had slept with a Beta during her heat and had fallen pregnant with me. Which was ridiculous, because it wasn’t even possible for a Beta to impregnate an Omega, but he was convinced that there was no way that I was his child. His insanely paranoid thoughts and behavior only escalated when my mother failed to conceive again. The guy made both of our lives a living hell.

“Well?” Jaxon boomed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Yes, I’m going. It’s a slave auction, Jax. If you want us to be together, I’m gonna need a new driver and bodyguard for my mom. Aren’t I?”

Yet another lie that easily flowed from my lips. I was getting too good at it, and that thought made my heart sink. He won’t like it when he learns the truth. See, he had been my mom's bodyguard ever since my father died. Being a wealthy Omega, and still within her last few years of childbearing age, my mother attracted a lot of unwanted attention from bachelor Alphas. She wasn’t interested in a new mate, which infuriated most of them. Alphas don’t handle rejection well. So, she hired a large team of Beta's to help protect her. A Beta alone stood no chance against an Alpha, but a large group of them could hold one off long enough for her to escape.

“Are you serious?” he asked with raised eyebrows of hope, “please don’t play with me, Lia.”

I plastered a fake smile on my face and tried to push the words around the giant lump that had formed in my throat, but I couldn’t. Instead, I nodded my head at him. He rushed at me, picking me up into the air, before spinning me around. I giggled at his display, but on the inside, I was breaking.

“I can’t believe this. We’re finally gonna be a real couple. We have to celebrate... Oh we should tell your mom... And mine. Oh, and our friends...” He continued to ramble while spinning me around, and it was making me feel sick. Although, I didn’t know if it was from the spinning or the rising guilt.

“Slow down, Jax.”

He set me on the ground, while panic washed across his face.

“Why wouldn’t you want to tell them all? They all know that we’ve been screwing each other for over a year now. I know we haven’t been exclusive, but there isn’t any other woman I want to be with. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Lia, and I can’t wait to scream it from the rooftops that you’re finally mine.”

While gazing into his beautiful blue eyes, I replied,

“I know Jax. Just give me a little time. I want to get a new driver first, so my mom doesn’t ask who will ferry her around. Then we can celebrate and tell everyone. I promise.”

I leaned forward and placed my lips onto his. Kissing him was always nice, and I did love him a lot, just not the same way he loved me. He pulled away from the kiss and asked,

“Why don’t I come with you? I can help you pick out my new replacement.”

Panic ensued as I tried to think of a workable reason why he couldn’t come with me.

“Um... You can't.” That was the best answer I could come up with. I needed more time.

“Why not?”

“I won’t be there for long. I’m just popping in, grabbing a slave, then I’m heading out again with Harper. She has got to get a new stable hand, after...”

“Eww, yeah, her brother filled me in on what happened to the last one. I mean, you know I don’t give a crap about slaves, but being trampled by a herd of horgons isn’t a pleasant way to go,” he replied with his face all screwed up in revulsion.

“I agree. Anyway, then we’re meeting the rest of the girls. But how about I come to your house tomorrow, and we can tell your parents?” I suggested, while faking another smile.

His own grin grew wider than I’d ever seen it before, and it crushed me to know how hurt he would be. But maybe he wouldn’t? Maybe I wouldn’t find an Alpha tonight? Maybe I would change my mind once I saw one of them up close and personal? There were a lot of maybe’s running through my mind, which was another reason why I couldn't be honest with him. I knew I’d wanted to be with an Alpha for as long as I could remember. Even as a small child, I always dreamed that my mate would be an Alpha.

My mom explained to me that high class Alpha's in our community wouldn’t be interested in me. They’d want an Omega to procreate with and carry on their bloodline, and she was right. Any Alpha that I pursued always completely ignored me. A few had mentioned that I looked like an Omega, because of my size and how beautiful I was, but I didn’t have the scent. I also didn’t have heats or have ‘Omega’ stamped on my ID or birth certificate. All the things an Alpha of wealth and standing looked for in a mate.

“Yeah, I’d like that...” he paused when his cellphone rang. He plucked it out of his pocket and read a text. “Shit, I’ve got to go babe. Dad’s having trouble with the horgons again. I told him not to buy that herd from Harper’s farm. There's definitely something not right about them.” He pulled his shirt on, not bothering to button it, before he sat on the edge of the bed and put his shoes on. “Do you think your Mom will mind if I take the craft?” He asked while doing up his laces.

“No, of course not. I’ll let her know. I hope your Dad’s okay.”

He stood up and made his way over to me, placed his hands on my face, then kissed me. The kiss was soft and loving, and I prayed that it would spark something deep inside me. But nothing. He pulled away and stared into my eyes.

“I’m sure he'll be fine. Enjoy yourself tonight, and I’ll text you when I can.” With a kiss to my forehead, he whispered, “I love you, Lia Mountford.”

“I love you too, Jax.” I wasn’t lying. I did love him, even though it wasn’t in the same way that he loved me.

As I watched his gorgeous ass walk away, I questioned myself if what I was doing was the right thing. I concluded that neither path would be pleasant. If I went to the auction and found an Alpha, it would crush Jax. My mother would be appalled, but that thought made me happy for a split second. My mother and I used to be close, but years of abuse from my father took its toll on the both of us. She didn’t like the person I’d become, but it was what I needed to do to survive him. I needed to be strong, cold, and callous. Now I found it impossible to let the real Dahlia out, because I'd hidden her away for so long. I wasn’t sure if I could ever be that version of myself again.

If I can’t be Dahlia, what is the point in giving her the Alpha that she wants? Maybe I can learn to love Jax the way he loves me? You know if I pushed aside all of this Alpha nonsense. I mean, how would it work, anyway? Wouldn’t the Alpha just rip me apart? Surely, I wouldn’t be woman enough for him, would I?

“Fuck it, I’m not going!”