Entry 2177

My dearest Dion,

I had already forgotten when you came into my life. But certainly, we grew up together nonetheless. You were with me during the good and the bad. You saw me at my best and especially at my worst. You helped me stay humble in times I felt too proud of myself. You protected me along with your cunning close associates.

I truly am grateful to you.. Really. For you shared a great part in creating who I am today.

You entered my life as if you were the first air I breathe.. You opened the door to the person that I am.. Barged into my life like it was the most natural thing to do.. You granted yourself authority to invade my thoughts and feelings. We were never apart. You were my beginning as I am yours. We are as if we are one person. Everyone was aware of who you are yet nobody knew that you were with me.

Still, if only I knew long before what i knew now i would have ran the first time our eyes gazed at each other during your opening ceremony. Back to that bittersweet memory of my innocence and purity. If only i was not such a curious and naive person in my youth, then i would have not known what I wish not to know right now. Perhaps it was also due to the discomfort and uneasiness I felt when you had this mysteriousness surrounding you. I was both smitten and threatened by how fast you were growing as you stood by me. And again, if only i didnt take any of this into account and just let things go the way it was..

Then, I could have lived a more normal life a little bit longer than it should have been, dont you think so? But the reality is, now I am forever bound to you.. Even if I ran to the distant part of the globe.. Across the seven seas.. Even if I´m buried a thousand feet under the ground..

You will find me... Dragging me back to the castle of glass.

Worry not, as I have come to my senses. That everything I do to escape from you is all in vain and it might have taken quite a few decades for me to realize all this. So I'm sorry Dion for always casting you away and taking so long to accept you as a whole.. I tried feigning ignorance of your existence but that is absurdly impossible, since you and I are one. Dion my dear, I´m sorry for continuously neglecting you.. I just became so afraid of you, the person you came to be and how our relationship came to a big turn.

My dear, be at ease. You well know that i do not have anywhere else to go. So why must you always give room to the doubt that circulates around your head? Your love is disheveling.. Until now, you frighten me the way you´ve always had.. So please, calm yourself. Can't we all put it all to rest by now?Aren't you tired of this farce? All these years of parading this facade.. My chains are rusty and your castle is in ruins. Do you still wish to stay in such a dire circumstance?

I have always wondered and to this point I have found no answers to why you are so entranced by me. Rather my dear, have you not considered that perhaps this could be an obsession on your part? You cling to me from night to day.. Will you please let me go?

Entry 1089

My dearest Dion,

I feel dreadful. Again, If I had the power to speak I would scream my throat off. Even when I want to shed tears, there is none left, for my eyes are all dried up like a dessert. I am exhausted and restless. I wonder until when these days last again. You keep whispering your insecurities like a lullaby in my ears. I can’t seem to brush them away as your words echo in the depths of my mind. What am I to do with you? If only you hear my relentless desperation.. my begging for your forgiveness. But you do not wish to listen.. And there is no one in this world who can comfort my weary soul.

I cannot remember how many days have passed in this cold room. How I despise you more as you lie beside me. And indeed I am foolish and naive for finding some sort of comfort in your presence. I hope one day you present me with answers to your reasoning and selfishness. Until now, I cannot help but wonder how our relationship has gone to such a twisted extent. Why do you bother so much for me? Why have you given me your attention that in my own opinion, have not asked for? For all these badness and tragedies have come upon me because of you, yet you wish for me to repay you still? What am I to do with you? What do I have to do for you to abandon me?

Someday I hope you tell me everything. I keep losing my sanity when I’m with you. You are aware of the mountain full of problems that keep coming and piling in our relationship. Of course, how can you not know? These things are happening in the first place because of you. And you reason that my thinking is absurd and you have never posed a problem but rather, it is your own endearing way of expressing yourself and if only I were to accept your devotion.

I wish to force your thinking upon mine. But my mind keeps sending me warnings, knowing you are only to give me more pain if I stay any longer with you. Our happiness together has only been but a temporary delusion and in my wishful thinking I find myself wanting to go back to those ignorant times. You have always disgustingly drawn me towards you. It has never sat well with me and it will never be alright. Please. Please listen to the voice of my heart and the wailing of my mind.

I am already out of the course I wished to take and I am a woman who is nearly passing from her youth. I have a lot of goals I wish to accomplish. I have a lot I want to contribute in this beautiful world.....to repay the debts I owe you my life. What greater way to use this life my parents have given if its for the right cause. This was the life I envisioned for myself. A life I thought that I could live together with you. But you mischievously whispered empty words into my soul and I believed every single one you uttered. So I waited and tried to walk your ways because of your great vision for us.

I have left so much and was uncertain to leave the rest of what I had for you. I, in my own personal standing, was willing to sacrifice anything for you. I, no doubtedly had so much weaknesses you had at your palms and here I was a great fool to trust you’d help me improve and conquer whatever obstacle was in my way. BUT...... you tied me down. You were my greatest obstacle. Now, I am willing to sacrifice anything just to escape from you. I am stuck in your castle. Chained to your commands. I have been your slave. I cannot get out.. You were always a step ahead of me.

Entry 1099

My dear Dion,

I don't want to stay in this castle anymore....yet here I am. It's my fault, but it doesn't have to be this way. My decision of finding a means of escape is the right thing anyone with the right mind would do, but in your desperation.. You left more and more attached to this place.

Please get me out of this mess, Dion! You must know a way out for me, right? For I barely came out alive from the other rooms a few days back, surely in this one I am in right now, I can escape once again, right?

Let me leave this household Dion. Away from this castle and the room you put me in. Its not too late. We can settle down the things that came between us.. My head is all jumbled up and my weary mind wishes to sleep. Please I cannot put up with this any longer.