The ceiling was the first thing to greet me as I opened my eyes, the ridiculous balls of a chandelier hung over the bed like a ballsack, I turned my head to the pure white pillows then the white closet and the white loveseat that sat before wide balcony doors, this place made me sick, it was too white and too clean to think, I rubbed my face, pushing back the thoughts of painting this room red before rolling over to my side and catching my phone, 6:00, flash against my skin as I pulled my body from the white sheet.

Before I knew it I was before my trainer who was on screen as I got my workout and cardio for the day, my instructor was young, male and had botox for some reason, he was too positive to meet in person which is why I requested a home session because I couldn't take his sunshine a whole week; I will probably regret that notion in a few hours but for these two hours I will enjoy the thought of not having too much on my mind.

Now I stood before ingredients for a pancake and poached eggs but the feeling of no desire to create settled in my chest, I stared at the food items with such disdain as I wrapped my arms around my chest, a dark sense of closeness surrounded me, tickling sensation moved through my finger while my eyes began to water and my breath turned into shallow gasped; I felt fur rub against my legs, I looked down to be faced with the furry face of my Alaskan malamute, his pure white fur was splattered with bright red, along with his bright blue eyes.

"Come on, Silla" I whispered as the dog followed me through the cold building towards my bedroom.

The curtains were open and my bed freshly made, I climbed into it as Silla flopped next to me, tears began to fall from my eyes as I cried quietly into my pillow as sleep overtook me.

It must have been an hour of peacefully forgetting when my phone rang, David's name flashed before my eyes, I pulled myself up and folded my legs, grabbed my water bottle, drank it before answering the call:

"Hello…" I answered as the voice of my dearest brother sounded through.

"You answered," I could hear his smile through the phone.

"I didn't want you to worry" I cleared my throat as I stared at Silla who was watching me carefully, turning her head from side to side.

He scoffed "you know why I called, right?" I nodded as his voice turned to pending "Bry, you need to get out, you don't have to see the world, you need some sun, just live in it" I just closed my eyes "did you take your medicine today?" He asked as I rolled my eyes.

"I am not a child" I sneered as I felt the smile on his face.

"Therapy…"

"Yes…"

"Group Therapy…"

"...."

"Bry, you need to go to group therapy, it will help you see the perspective of others" he argued as I just looked down at my feet "no more cancelling with Axel, you hear?" He asked as I nodded softly "make some food for yourself and EAT it this time" he said as I nodded again even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Now, I have got to go but see you soon, bye babes" he greeted as I looked up to the clock.

"Bye," I uttered as the phone line went dead.

….

The tree was shedding, the leaves were golden with age, leaves fell from it in silent purity of demise, I could stare at it for hours along with garden furniture that clutters the autumn scenery, it looked like a painting rather than a sense of reality:

"Mrs Kane?..." It turned to the doctor who sat with his glasses on his nose and a patient smile on his lips.

"Sorry, I got distracted" I shifted in my seat, his deep green eyes and caramel skin made his appearance more enjoyable to look at, he was young for a therapist but still held wisdom behind his eyes.

"It's no problem, distraction means you are comfortable and that is what we look for" he explained before writing something in his notepad "how do you feel today?" He asked the old familiar question.

I looked at him "I am fine, still don't see the reason I am here" I expressed as he began to fold open my file.

"Well, you were diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, depression, an…" he explained as I waved my hand to stop him.

I shook my head "all the fuss for nothing" I expressed while I clutched my handbag "I Just wanted to be alone, that's all now I have a personality disorder"

"Well, it does go deeper than you wanting to be alone," he explained as I shook my head and leaned back in my seat.

"I spent most of my adult life in a cage, I couldn't do as I wished when he died, I was free to be whoever and I wanted to be whoever until I realized that what I wanted was loneliness and that's ok" I explained with my hands and he just stared at me for a moment.

"It's all well if you were taking care of yourself" he mentioned, we stared at each other for a while "now, for your homework, make yourself food and EAT it" he emphasized the last words, " write in the journal and group therapy is tomorrow, please attend"

....

I stood before the ingredients again, sweat ran down my brow and my anxiety bubbled in my throat as I placed both my hands on the counter and leaned my head down, taking a deep breath and chanting the words 'it's just food '; I pushed myself away from the counter and moved to the sink to wash my hands.

I pulled out the rockets from the fridge along with the octopus which was in my own marinate and mangoes, I pulled my knives from their holders and began to cut the mangoes into cubes then reached for the limes, orange juice, rice vinegar, brown sugar, salt and black pepper; I threw the ingredients into a blender, I moved to the grill and fired it up as I grabbed the blender opening the lid.

The aroma flooded my senses, the lime and mangoes wafted into the air as I closed my eyes and breath in the beautiful tropical scent which took me back to fond memories which I shook away as I set aside the vignette and place the octopus onto the grill, it sizzled so crispy as I turned to dress the rocket with vignette; the aroma filled the kitchen with such dreams of the Caribbean that I twirled around and began to be infused with light, summer and sea where palm trees shaded over dusty rock.

I pulled the octopus from the grill to cool as I sliced mango into thin pieces and sprinkled it all over the rocket then carefully laid the spicy octopus onto its final resting place and with a quick drip of the vignette, I stood back to admire my handy work but the summer fade, the aroma's turn sore and the palm beach was just a figment of my imagination; I grabbed the plate and poured a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, I walked into the dining room.

The room was too white to look at, I leaned back in my seat, looking at the dish with such disdain that I just push away from me and grabbed the glass of white wine, the very thought of eating that food in this white house, in the silence cause a pit to form in my stomach and nausea to bubble up to my throat; so I placed the chilled glass to my lips and closed my eyes regretting my decision to cook today.

….

The room was filled with people I didn't care to listen to but I had to, the whole point of group therapy is to emphasize with your fellow people but we all know that they didn't care, they just wanted a place to vent and to be honest, these people problems are minimal compared to those that I had to listen to or experienced; just pot load of basic rich people with too much money to spend and too much time on their hands.

I mean this whole place was infused with prosperous fuel, the ceiling wasn't falling apart, the plastic chairs I was used to are now branded armchairs, there were no posters on the walls just art, the food was in a separate room which catered for any craving and the colours were all in calming browns, yellows, blues and greys; this place made me want to throw red paint onto the walls and just mess it up a bit.

The crowd was as interesting as you might think, they were copies of each other, whatever trend was filtered onto their bright-eyed was a look for any of them, with a few exceptions, a mousy goth, bright-eyed bad bitch and a trophy wife with sad eyes, whatever trend was filtered onto their bodies which was a look for any of them but what am I complaining about, I joined the therapy group because business lies within the rich and I am rushed to collect.

Suddenly the men in the session began to straighten their posture, I stared at them like they were crazy until I felt a presence at the door, I turned to see this woman who seemed out of place in this well-heeled world, her posture, clothes and eyes were different from the others that gathered in the circle, with almond-shaped eyes that were cast to the floor as she rushed to her seat, the way she minced and the silk fabric of her skirt caressed her inner thighs, her legs were probably the reason men sat so straight for her and she sat in the only seat available which happened to be across from me; I thanked the gods for that because I was still not done analyzing this creature.

"Thanks for joining us, Mrs Kane" Dr Miller announced as I looked back at the woman and she nodded her head softly. "Would you like to share?" The Doctor's eye lingered on the poor woman as she shook her head "anyone would like to share next?" He asked as Brad or Chad or whatever began to share.

I leaned back in my chair and placed my leg resting against my knee, my fingers found my lips as my eyes found hers, her top lip seemed to raise over her bottom lip giving straight fringe a healthy shadow while her top was luxuriant with pure softness, I mesmerized by them that the room disappeared around me, I was so enchanted by this being that I didn't realize she tensed up, I looked to her deep brown hazel eyes and they were staring back at me and as the strong bitch I am; I stared her down.

We stared at each other for a moment as the whole world evaporated, we weren't in the room full of people or that doctors obnoxious voice weren't annoying, we just stared at each other until it was announced that the gathering was over; she stood abruptly and started for the door, I followed her like a curse until she has stopped by the demanding doctor himself:

He smiled so strangely at her "remember your monthly activity, go somewhere social and interact" she gave him a stiff smile.

She let out a forced laugh "I almost forgot" she exhaled "you are such a great reminder but…" I interrupted her as I stepped forward.

I stepped into the conversation "activity, I didn't know of such" I smirked at the woman but all she did was eye me up and down before turning towards three other women, who gathered in a circle.

Dr Miller's face stuffed up as he smiled politely "well, I thought you would be more comfortable with the guys" he said as I chuckled.

"Might be a lesbian but I don't own a set of balls, Daniel" I patted him on the back as I joined the three women who stood, chatting amongst each other "so what's the plan?" I smiled.

A mousy woman stepped forward, she had big eyes hiding behind round glasses "we kind of forgot about the whole thing" she smiled sheepishly under her layers of clothing, her hunched over posture gave the impression she wanted to disappear.

Another woman walked into the conversation with a phone between her fingers "well, I need to be in Paris by 12, so...let's go" she announced in her extremely expensive dress, her silky black hair and monolid eyes which in a inky black.

"Well, I gave my husband a little something-something, so he is out all night" another woman entered the conversation as she swayed from side to side, in her bandana crop top and leather pants, her expressive eyes and a big smile that was bathed in a dark toffee skin.

I smiled at the group "well I know just the place," I smiled.

....