I watched as my best friend of twelve years aka the love of my life got ready to leave our hometown. He had enrolled in the army a few months because he needed to peruse his dreams even if that meant leaving it all behind. I was beyond afraid for him, after all the military didn’t have a reputation of kindness.
My phone started ringing, I didn’t have to check who it was. Kade. We had agreed before he left, we would meet in the trees, where this friendship had been established. Our friendship started when our moms introduced as to each other when we were little babies. When Kade first saw me, he probably thought that girl was going to be my best friend and little sister figure. While I on the other hand thought he was going to be the man I would be in love with for the rest of my life.
I quickly texted him back saying. “I would be there shortly.” I climbed out of my window, the normal ritual.
“Kade.” I addressed. Kade was sitting on the tree, skimming through a letter. He glanced up. “Hey, baby.” Even though we weren’t together, hopefully one day in the distant future if we find our way back to each other maybe then he fall for me or maybe I will get over him, he enjoyed calling me baby and I enjoyed hearing him call me that. “Sit.” He patted the empty space bedside him.
“How am I going to leave without you?” I addressed the consist thought running free in my mind.
“I will be back very holiday and whenever I can.” He tried to make light of this situation. Losing him was going to be all sorts of painful and heart breaking, but this had been his dream since he was a little kid, a dream now that coming true. I wouldn’t dare make him feel bad for something that he deserved.
“I know, just don’t forget me.” I spoke.
“I could never forget you, not even if I tried.” Kade rested his head against the oak tree. “Forgetting you would be like remembering someone who I have never meet before.”
“I will miss you so much.” I kissed his cheek, thinking of all our lasts. Our last hug. Our last kiss cheek. Our last I will see you tomorrow. He wasn’t going to be here anymore; he wasn’t just going to be just a driveway anymore.
“I will miss you too.” Kade said. “It won’t be like you are just a driveaway anymore, whenever I needed you. I could just come by but now I can’t.” He stated. Answering the questions replaying in my mind.
“I know.” I rested my head on his shoulder, he held me. All of me relaxed being in his arms.
“You can send me mail whenever you want.” I knew I could, but it certainly wasn’t going to be seeing each other in person.
“So, how was saying goodbye to my sister?” Kade had taken my sister out on their last date, a few hours ago.
“It’s not as difficult as saying goodbye to you.” Kade said. “Saying goodbye to you feels like I am losing a part of me, when I said goodbye to her, I just felt like I was breaking up with a girl that I had been dating for just a month.” Could he mean that as more than a friend?
“Maybe that’s because you are my like my sister.” He said, crushing all my hope.
“Do you ever think of me as something else?”
Kade stared at me, eye to eye. “As a lover, as the love of my life?”
I nodded, a confirmation.
“Sure, when I was fifteen, I wished you had could be my girlfriend. I used to think how it would be like to date you, but my thoughts changed over the years now you are my little sister.” What if I told him what I felt when we were fifteen would that have changed everything?
“You liked me as more than a friend then?”
“Where is this coming from?”
I couldn’t tell him where this was coming from, if I did, I could guarantee myself I would lose him. “Just thinking.”
“Tell me.” Kade said. “Do you think of me like that?”
“No.” I answered almost immediately.
“Oh my god you do.” Kade figured it out. “Just as a guy you want to date or something else?”
Fuck. “A guy I am in love with.” Since he knew the truth, I should now just let all my feelings for me go out in the open.
“You are in love with me?” He let me go and shifted away, when he did that, I knew telling him wasn’t something I shouldn’t have done.
“Forget it.”
“No, how can I my best friend when my best friend is in love with me?” Kade freaked. “Tell me when did you start having these romantic feelings for me?”
“When we were ten, my feelings for you slowly developed.” He sat down in front of me and cupped my face, without much of thought. Kade kissed me with passion, this was the first time the guy I loved was kissing me and it felt fucking amazing.
Kade pulled back. “Kissing you feels amazing.” I spoke. Kade let out a laugh and flashed his lips on mine again.
He stopped kissing me and got lost in thought. “Do you feel the same way about me?”
“I am sorry about kissing you.” I hated those words. “I shouldn’t have done that; I shouldn’t have made you feel like we could be something when you are too young for me.” Was that his problem with dating me, our age difference.
“Come back for me then.” I spoke. “I will wait all I am asking is that you will love me, want me, not my sister please.” I pleaded with him.
“I am sorry.” I covered my mouth with my hand, muffling a cry.
“Are you my friend still?” Despite the fact that he just broke my heart, I still wanted him in my life.
“How can I be your friend?” “How can I be your friend?”
That was my answer, I couldn’t lie and convince him into believing I had no feelings for him, I had to bear the fact that he was leaving me. “Okay.” I opened my bedroom door.
This was the last time I saw him, before he left he didn't even come to see me.
