Asher smith
Sometimes all I feel is pain. Not the physical kind but the emotional kind. The gut wrenching, soul destroying kind.
Has you chest ever hurt that you thought it might explode?
It was like a hole in your chest, a void that can never be filled. A void so deep that you don't know if it can ever be filled.
Happiness was nothing but a distant memory for me. Half my soul was missing and I will never be able to fill the space again.
It has been a year since I watched my one true love get murdered right in front of me. There was nothing I could do to stop it from happening, yet I blame myself everyday.
I still have nightmares of that day. Half my soul was gone. The heartache was unbearable. Being the vampire king doesn't make things easier either, it just makes things worse.
I know I have been hard on my coven since she passed away but what do they expect? My life was gone and she was never coming back.
Nothing could make me okay again and that was one thing I was sure of.
"Asher," my best friend addressed me as he walks in my office.
I looked up at him through my dark hooded eyes. "What do you want?" I growled at him.
My attention is focused else where, lost in my thoughts. There is nothing more I hate than being bothered.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch? It's been a long time since-" I cut him off before he has the time to finish.
I balled my hands into first under my desk, squeezing the arm of the chair so hard my knuckles turned white. "Conner, would you just leave my office now. I have no intention if joining you for dinner. Not now, not ever."
Conner's face turned sympathetic. "I know you miss her Asher, but I miss her too. I think you should start going out and having lunches with me. I want to be there for you and if-"
I cut him off holding my hand up to him as my eyes burned with fury. "Don't finish that sentence."
"But Ash-" he starts again.
I let a growl leave my lips at him inability to listen. "Enough! You have no idea how I'm feeling Conner! You have no right to come In here and tell me what I should be doing!" My voice booms around the room making Conner flinch.
Rising to my feet in anger, chest heaving. The chair came out from underneath me.
"I didn't mean to upset you Asher." Conner says fumbling quickly to open the door and abruptly exits.
I punch the closest wall to me, letting my fist go through the wall with such force the wall crumbles to the floor. A scream leaves my lips, letting all my emotions out. All the emotions that are crawling through me like trapped poison constantly making me think like a psychopath.
The ones that paralyzed me every day.
Anger.
Sadness.
Hate.
Regret.
Guilt.
Before I could even think about my actions I'm storming out the door. Flying down the stairs, not bothering to look or say anything to anyone.
"Asher!" I hear my sister Leigh call out to me.
I ignore her because I wasn't going to lose my shit around her. She's taken the hit far too many times and I hated myself for it but the pain in my chest never ever goes away. Grieving never gets easier, who ever says it does is a liar.
Opening my front door and slamming it behind me. The cool air whips around my skin, not even bothered by the cold night.
Once I reach my car I sit inside for a few minutes, tears gathered in my eyes but I don't let them fall. My hands reach up to grab the wheel I tightened my hands.
My jaw clenched as my vision blurred and my ears ringed with distress. A roar erupted from my chest as I punched the wheel. I aggressively punched the wheel over and over and over.
I fumble with the keys and I raced out of the drive way as quickly as I could. I wish I could just race into the woods and spend the evening with nature. But I couldn't.
When my Lauren died. Half my soul died too.
Somewhere inside of me wants to go after the people who killed her. I feel so broken and my anger is getting harder and harder to control. The people who did this will pay.
What's the point in living without your mate? The only thing that could ever make you feel complete.
I wasn't sure exactly where I was going, my mind needed a distraction and change of scenery. Turning on to and empty road, the night was dark, the sky full of clouds and not a single star in the sky.
The road became narrow and the tree's getting taller and taller around me. My hand raked through my hair as I tried to think of anything but Lauren.
Why was life never easy?
Them I smelled a soft scent, my senses became sensitive and my arms had goosebumps. Sitting straight in my seat, my eyes scanned the dimly lit road ahead of me.
The smell was faint, very faint but it was the most delicious smell. A subtle scent of jasmine and cherries.
I kept wondering where the smell was coming from as the smell became stronger. My knuckles were turning white from me grabbing the steering wheel to hard. I took one hand off the steering wheel stretching it.
The shadows on the trees were reflecting down on the ground, blowing in the wind softly. I stopped the car because something didn't feel right.
My eyes snapped to the side of the road as something began to move in the bushes. The scent was even stronger now, I could almost taste it.
A young girl emerged from the bushes, running across the road with a slight limp.
As she crosses the road she spots my car. I started the car again backing up but there was no where to go on this narrow road. She slams her hands down on the hood of my car and looks through the windshield in fear.
Her whole body was shaking, her tiny frame was covered in cuts and bruises. My slow heart beat began to race inside my chest.
My eyes locked with her green ones.
Mate.
The words left my lips. I felt a warm sensation down my body.
Holy Fuck.
