Things didn’t look great, not only did I lose the last piece of my life as I stared down at the foreclosure notice on my mothers house. I now had to face the realization she will probably never come home. Watching someone wither away, knowing they were once full of life, once the biggest influence in your life and now they were reduced to skin and bone, bedsores, and a machine breathing for them as the life slowly drained out of them, bloody sucked. I thought for sure that would be the hardest day of my life when they rang me to tell me there was nothing else they could do for her.
Yet I still held out hope, held onto the possibility no matter how slim it was that she would return to me, just wake up like nothing happened. Scrunching up the foreclosure notice, I toss it in the bin before adjusting the box tucked under my arm. I walked to the trunk of my car dropping my mothers alcohol stash in it. I couldn’t leave it in the storage locker. No flammable liquids but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out either, mum loved a drink. I hated that she was a drunk but now I would give anything to see her with her drink in her hand while laughing and telling me stories. Sighing, I close the trunk and hop in my car looking at my childhood home one last time before I say goodbye to this part of my life. I was truly on my own.
Breathe, just breathe it's only temporary I told myself as I looked into the back of my cramped Honda civic. At least I still had my job and my health, even though that was dwindling away. My job as long as I could keep that I could remain normal I tell myself. Yet as I drove myself to work, knowing afterwards I had nowhere to go to and am now officially homeless. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how my life will always be now.
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I snorted at the memory as I reminisced on how pathetic my life is, everything went downhill the day I left that driveway of my childhood home.
Funny how things work out, I thought that was the worst day I would endure, little did I know I had an entire future planned out by what supernaturals called the fates. That the two men I work for would claim me and turn out to be monsters I wanted desperately to escape from until I no longer didn’t. What was the point, this life of mine was apparently destined for this horror story, why fight it? So what if my life was going to crumple and burn before I found happiness. Happiness I can’t remember what the heck that feels like, to me it seems like some conjured up dream, a fantasy and I don’t mean the good kind that makes your panties damp, don’t get me wrong I wish it was that sort of dream, but I dreamt of stability, that would make me happy. The only dreams that seemed a possibility was a messed up sort of dreams, the fucked up joke kind, where you don’t know if you want to laugh or cry at the circumstances you found yourself in because it was truly that pathetic, that bad, happiness was something of the past. I down my bottle of vodka building up the liquid courage to face my Sinful mates, or maybe I am the sinful one and maybe I like it or maybe this vodka has gone to my head as I stumble back to the office, trying to pretend to be normal and like I didn’t just down half the bottle, yep fake it till you make it, or don’t either way I was all kinds of messed up, but that is ok because so are my mates.
