Moving to a new town isn't a big deal for Lhelliana. For the reason that she prefers to look at the brighter viewpoint. New environment, she'll find new friends, and most of all she's looking forward to the worthwhile memories they'll build. All fresh and away from the depressing atmosphere before. It's been a week since they moved here but her mother hasn't come out of her room even once. She's bothered about her mother's mental state for life has been hard on them since her father flew off and her sister died. If only she could do something that can make her mother happy, she'll do it in a blink of an eye. However, her mother feels hostility toward her. She couldn't think of any justifications why so she chooses to understand her despite everything. They just lose someone significant to them, whatever they're going through makes any sense.
Her morning breath warms the pillow and she could smell the fresh air outside her window. She decides to arise on her bed and starts up this day differently. No matter how much she'll weep in the corner, it won't bring her sister life's back. She walks into the mirror and her reflection displays how hard she has been on herself. Mended cuts in her wrist, hair that hasn't been visited by a comb for how many days, and greasy skin. She couldn't even recall the last time she took a bath. She shrugs and guesses that today will be the day she'll bring herself inside the bathroom. It took her minutes of convincing her brain to finally take order to her body to move. She takes heavy steps to the bathroom and stands in front of the shower for another countless minute. The water finally caresses her skin and she can't help to wince as it went on her wrist. Now she regrets cutting them multiple times just to feel any pain. She let the water travels throughout her body. The chilly feelings creep within her and make her feel awake even more. A bird lands outside the bathroom's window and Lhelliana can't help to adore its cuteness. She stretches her arm, hoping to reach it.
"Please always be careful in your journey, little bird. Don't let anyone take away your freedom." She said and grinned to herself. Why is she talking to a bird? It probably can't understand her. The bird tweeted and flew away. How it feels like flying? Perhaps, it's wonderful. It's almost an hour when she finishes cleaning herself and putting on her comfy clothes. A pajama paired with her all-time fave hoddie. She stares at her reflection in the mirror once again. "Better." She said to herself, satisfied with a little improvement that has been done. She makes her way outside her bedroom and headed to the kitchen. There she sees Ms. Patt making breakfast. The sound of boiling water, banging wooden cupboards, and the coffee's aroma welcomes Lhelliana.
Ms. Patt is their loyal household servant since Lhelliana's a kid. Her patriotism never wavered and she lives together with the Ascon even during their heavy days.
"Good morning, Nanni!" She greeted Ms. Patt with a high-pitched voice. The 56-year-old woman almost jumps in surprise.
"Good morning. You scared me!" replies Ms. Patt, clutching her left chest. She's stunned to see Lhelliana early in this morning with a smile plastered on her face.
Lhelliana giggles and shows a peace sign, "I'm sorry, Nanni. By the way, what's for breakfast?" She tiptoes to see what's Ms. Patt is preparing. There are tomatoes, tamarind, onions, water spinach, green beans, okra, and pork.
"I'm cooking sinigang. Are you hungry?" Ms. Patt responded and take a glance at Lhelliana. Sinigang is her mother's favorite Filipino cuisine.
"Not really." Lhelliana sighs and leans on the kitchen sink. "Have you seen Mama?" She, later on, asks Ms. Patt who's busy slicing the tomatoes.
"Well, yeah, this morning and the other days. Why Lily?"
"Nothing. I hope she's fine." Lhelliana answers back slipping her hands on the hoddie's pocket.
"How about you? Are you okay?" Ms. Patt halts slicing the ingredients and turns her full attention to Lily. She can't help to worry about her due to what happened.
Every single day she witnesses Mrs. Ascon snuggled in bed, gripping her eldest daughter's picture frame, and sobbing until she can drift off to sleep. Xelia Ascon died a month ago. She was in a coma for two years. The doctor said she's getting better but to their surprise, Xelia bid goodbye. Mr. Jovanny Ascon went off with his mistress a month before their eldest daughter died, leaving his family in distress.
He and Mrs. Ascon scarcely quarrel, every time they'll have any misunderstandings they would resolve it before going to bed. They were the forever type of couple. As they say, never anticipate something perfect in any relationship.
Lhelliana nods and smiles, "I'm fine, Ms. Patt. How are you too?"
Ms. Patt proceeds with what she's doing earlier. "I'm good, Lily. Glad you are fine."
"There's no reason not to be fine, Nanni." She chuckled and blew out her cheeks.
"Lhelliana—" Ms. Patt's sentence leaves hanging in the air when Mrs. Ascon appears in the kitchen. Her heavy footsteps could be listened to as the pressure inside grows bigger. Lhelliana's heart can't resist thumping loudly. She wants to run into her and jump for a hug, tell her how much she missed her, and ask her if she's okay but her feet are fixed to the kitchen's floor and she can't even utter a single word to greet her. Their gaze meet and Lhelliana's the first one to look away. Her mother's piercing eyes already tore her hope that maybe she can talk to her like before. "Good morning, Mrs. Ascon!" Ms. Patt breaks the silence with an optimistic greeting. She notices how Mrs. Ascon looks at Lhelliana and she feel empathy for the little girl to look at with resentment by her mother. "You're up early. Sorry, it took me longer to prepare your breakfast." She added.
"It's okay, Patt. I just came down for water." Mrs. Ascon replied and walk towards the refrigerator. She walks past Lhelliana with an upright face. Lhelliana stands still, quitting the urge to speak to her mother. Mrs. Ascon declared it before that she detests her. For what reason? She doesn't know. She's clueless why does her mother have to neglect that she is her daughter also. Somehow, she wanted she can replace her older sister. She's not here yet their mother's heart only wants her. Lhelliana balled her fists and looks down. It is always her Ate Xelia.
"Why she's here?" Lhelliana snaps back to her senses when she hears her mother's voice again. She looks up only to see her mother implying at her. She gulps and opens her mouth to answer but no words are getting out so shut up again. "Ah, she's watching me cooking. She wants to learn how to cook sinigang for she'll cook for you in the future." Ms. Patt answered and smiles. Mrs. Ascon huffs, "No thanks." She said with disgusts in her eyes. "Anyway, I was planning to eat here for breakfast but...." she trailed off and looks at Lily from head to toe, "My morning plans got spoiled so, I'll just eat in my room. Thanks, Patt." She then takes another glance at Lhelliana and turns her back making her way outside of the kitchen. Lhelliana grits her teeth for feeling so overlooked. What did she commit for her mother to be that tough on her? Why does she need to build imperceptible walls between them and behave toward her like a stranger? Her heart is delighted to catch a glimpse of her mother doing fine though Mrs. Ascon wound her like a mere outsider. She couldn't provoke herself to ill-treat her mother. They're so much indistinguishable from each other. From their brows and chocolate brown eyes, the thick eyelashes, and pointed nose. They also share the same ebony-colored hair. Their character traits are almost similar. People said she's like a carbon copy of Mrs. Ascon. Lhelliana sighs and shrugs the grim notions off her head. She understands her mother. Ms. Patt rinses her hands and goes beside Lily. She gives her an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "It is just a bad morning, Lily. Don't worry, ok?"
Lhelliana retorts with a nod and smiled. "I understand, Nanni." She stares directly into Ms. Patt's eyes and she can read sympathy in them. "Nanni, it's really fine. Don't look at me like that. It's uncomfortable."
Ms. Patt blinks, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll cook again. Hmm?" She caresses Lily's shoulder once again and proceeds on slicing the okra.
"Nanni, I'll just eat in my room as well. Sorry for the trouble." Lhelliana announces after a minute of remaining silent. Ms. Patt hesitantly responds with a nod. "Thank you, Nanni." Lhelliana glimmered and makes her way to the door. Ms. Patt can only watch her back and kept up her concerns for the little girl. She saw the cuts in Lhelliana's wrist a while ago. She made it quick to finish cooking and storm inside Lhelliana's room. And her gut feeling isn't wrong. There rests on the floor, Lhelliana with raw wounds on her wrist.
