It was early in the morning, the sun shone brightly and the rays of it reflected through the glass window. The birds were chirping as if they were singing a lullaby, making Naja beam as she took a glance at the cheerful environment outside.
She heaved a sigh as she remembered her Mom who loves this kind of morning vibe, too.
Her father arrived home from visiting our flower shop when the clock struck at seven. He went there by dusk and came home because she and her sister, Wendy, have to attend their morning classes.
The flower shop that her parents built has been the small business that served as the source of their income for years. But when unexpected events transpired, they neglected it, making the sales of the shop decrease due to the days our shop was closed. But they opted to reopen it to compensate for the sales they should have earned.
These past few weeks have been tough for their family and they have gone through a lot. Naja was mentally exhausted and physically tired but she could still manage to wake up early and prepare for their breakfast. The school year isn’t over yet so she has to boost herself to face this new day.
Their Dad sat on the wooden sofa as he massaged his temple, he looked stressed and couldn’t even speak out his thoughts. She knows something’s bothering him but she didn’t bother asking.
She stirred the soup as she was silently waiting for Dad to talk. She doesn’t want to start the conversation because she could sense there’s a problem and he can’t just speak about it.
She turned off the gas stove as she was done cooking the corn soup.
“Wendy, please prepare the table,” she commanded her sister.
Wendy helped her preparing the table. She was putting the glass on the table when it slipped off her hand, making the glass fall to the floor.
Naja’s lips parted in surprise.
“I’m sorry. . .” Wendy trailed off as she immediately bends her knees to pick up the broken pieces of the glass.
“Leave it to me. Just prepare the food so we won’t get late,” she commanded as I shoved her hands away.
‘Why does it feel like it’s hard to do all these morning routines without the provision of our parents? I mean, Dad is there with us. He is with us in this house but we can’t feel his presence. He’s like a ghost or an invisible man. Not that we couldn’t see him but it’s just that, we can’t feel his existence’— she thought to herself.
Their Dad would just stare at the ceiling, visit the shop for a few minutes then he will come back here, and he would just spend his whole day sitting on the sofa, watching television. He didn’t even bother checking on them, about how their day goes, how are their studies, just like what he used to ask when their loving Mother was still there with them.
This set-up is tiring and it feels like it is draining Naja’s whole existence but she has to keep moving forward. She still has two siblings to feed, classes to attend, and life to continue but why does it feel like the more she’s doing her best, the more life will throw such obstacles along the way?
“We have no choice but to close the shop,” Their Dad uttered after the minutes of his silence. “Permanently,” he added.
He didn’t even bother to check on them, to help them with this broken glass, or to even nag them about how clumsy they are. He just announced his news as if nothing happened. As if he didn’t value the shop they built for five freaking years.
Naja gulped hard as she wanted to make him change his mind. “Dad, we can’t! That’s the only way of our income. We can’t just close the shop just because of the current sales. We’ll just have to manage it properly!” she grunted, sounding like a persistent kid.
Wendy stared at Naja with a blank face as she was listening to the conversation. She indirectly told her not to stick her nose with this serious topic yet Wendy just ignored her.
“It’s final. We can’t manage it anymore.”
She stared blankly at their Dad. It was as if she couldn’t get his point although there’s a part of her that wants to listen to him. But no. She shouldn’t. That’s the only remembrance Mom left to them so they have to keep it no matter what! Naja stand firm on my decision and no one could ever change her mind.
“There are still some farms who have good quality crops and plants. We just have to change our―”
“No, Naja. I can’t handle this anymore. We’re just wasting our time in that shop. It will be better if we stop and close it for good. We have no funds anyway. It has already been spent in the burial of your mom,” he cut her off, making her bite my lower lip to fight her urge to shed tears.
She felt like they lost it all. They lost everything. It has been a month since their mother passed away but they still can’t seem to accept it all.
It was hard to start over again. It was as if they are left with nothing but resentment and debts.
“And we have debts to pay. I hope you understand that.”
He walked towards their room after that sentence, not bothering to eat breakfast with his children.
Naja knows her Dad is still mourning the death of our mother and couldn’t still move on from what happened. She knew it. They still are, too. But she knows that if she let this loneliness eats her up, nothing will happen to their family. She told herself that she had to be strong, at least in front of them.
“What will happen to us now?”
She didn’t know what to answer to my sister as the problems sank inside her head.
“I don’t want to continue my studies, Naja. I might as well stop―”
“No! No one will stop! We have to continue our lives and move forward. Mom doesn’t want to see us in this situation so we have to get ourselves up.”
Wendy shook her head as sat on the chair. After Naja swept the fragments of the broken glass,
she turned to my little brother who’s peacefully playing inside his crib.
“Kyle, what do you want for breakfast?” she managed to plaster a smile on him as his brother’s naive face greeted her a good morning. A not-so-good morning.
“Cookie!” he giggled as his innocent eyes sparkled in excitement.
“Wendy, can you buy him a cookie at the nearby store? We still have twenty minutes before the classes start.” She turned to her as she carried Kyle in my arms.
Their two-year-old brother is growing bigger and she admits he’s heavy now.
“Mama!”
Wendy and Naja stared at each other, both reading between the lines as their little brother kept on chanting that word, that name. . .
She managed to show a smile at his naive face. “Mama’s still not around, Kyle. She’ll have to take a rest and sisters will take care of you. We’ll be going to give you lots of cookies!” Naja even exclaimed, making him chuckled in enthusiasm.
It was hard. It was too hard to pretend as if everything’s fine even though deep inside her, She’s breaking. She’s hurting. And she’s still longing for a warm hug of a mother.
And she has no choice but to keep moving forward because she is the eldest child.
