'I'm going to delete that email account. I don't want to set my eyes on that mailbox again, that name...anything that reminds me of him’, I muttered to Sarah, pain clear in my voice while anguish tearing me to shreds.
'Bells, maybe you are being too hasty', Sarah cajoled, obviously freaking out about my declaration. What would she know?
'No. For once, I'm being real. Just as you want me to be', I replied determined. I have reached my threshold point. How could it all have gone wrong? When did it start going downhill? Was I that blind? Stop thinking about it, I mentally scolded myself.
'Oh bells! That was then. Before you knew what was in store for you. Now, I believe you are being too guarded', she tried reasoning.
'Which one is it, Sarah? Before you accused me of being reckless and now too guarded? Choose one. In fact, whichever you decide to don't tell me about it. Because I will not listen to it. This emails have caused enough. All this heartache...this pain, it's because of this mailbox. I wish I never replied to this. How could he do this to me? How could he hold such a big secret from me! I thought we had a connection. Obviously, I was the only one in this. It is time I get ride of them. Once and for all' , I said, my voice getting strong with each word I'm uttering.
'Bells, think before you do something you will regret', Sarah tried to reason now with a different angel. Alas, it fell upon my deaf ears.
'Oh, believe me, Sarah. I regret. I regret not doing this sooner. I regret not insisting sooner. I regret many things since then. But if I didn't distance it now, I don't know what else I would've to regret about. My life was so normal before this mess. I want that normalcy back', I countered while starting booting my laptop. Finally! It's going to stop. So, this is how it ends.
'Are you sure?' Sarah questions, even though I'm typing my email account in the browser.
'Yes', I replied, not looking at her. I have to do this before I lose this speck of courage.
'Shouldn't you wait for him? Maybe he has something to say. There may be a reason behind it. It's not like you to condemn judgment with no hearing'
'Maybe I should practice doing that more often, don't you think? Then, may be I wouldn't look like a fool! And what could he say! It's so awful Sarah. You never experienced such anguish, so please don't preach me', I countered tongue in cheek. This is not me. Giving sass to those who show only concern to me. But that's what I do now since I tangled in this mess.
'No Bells. I don't think. I don't think you could be this cynical. What happened to the sweet, happy-go-lucky creature?'
'This happened', I pointed my finger towards the screen that is currently showing my inbox.
Before she can convince me to sanity, I clicked on the delete button.
There. Done. Now it's over. Then why do I still feel the pain in my heart?
