Love. I guess that is what you could say I am hoping for. Someone that will love me for everything and then some.
But what I get is rutting. Rutting. That's how I would describe the passion between me and my mate Jacob. As his fingers graze my body rubbing his callus hands across my nipples, I cannot help but moan in excitement.
Mine.
I think as I sink my teeth into his shoulder. I close my eyes as I feel and try to match the rhythm of my mate. In.
I cannot deny that I love him--at least that is what I keep telling myself. Out. He buries himself into me, but I cannot mindlink with him. I tried to touch his mind but he has put up barriers closing his mind from mine.
Out. I feel my throat tighten as I get closer to my release. Out. I can feel that he is as well. In. I can feel as he quickens his pace and buries his head in my shoulder. In.
I cry out his name, hoping that he will meet me there. “Jacob,” but he says nothing. I lift my head staring at the ceiling I feel myself about to reach the end. My wolf Tide, is howling inside of my mind, but I still cannot feel his wolf River.
Nothing. Jacob grunted as he pumped into me a few more times and spread his seed into my womb. Just like that he was satisfied, and I am left feeling empty and missing his touch. We used to cuddle after sex but now he turns over and falls asleep. Or he gets dressed and heads to the pack house for the night.
“I love you,” I say as I adjust myself to relax on his chest. But what I am met with takes me by surprise. Jacob scoffs and rolls his eyes at me. He nudges me away and begins to sit up.
"Maybe we should reconsider our relationship." Jacob tells me. He starts to look around the room for his stuff in the pile of discarded clothes. This is not the first time that he has left after sex, but I understood that my needs come after the packs.
My eyes widened. I cannot believe what I am hearing. “What do you mean, “by reconsidering our relationship. We're fated mates. There's no part of our relationship to consider." I try to keep myself calm but my anger is rising.
“Don't get me wrong Ava, I do love you, but—
“But what,” I said angrily cutting him off.
“But,” Jacob paused. As if he was thinking what would be best to say to me. “But my ex she came back and she gave me a baby. I have a pureblood son.” Jacob said as he pulled his pants over his bare ass.
“So that's it! She leaves you and comes back so now you shut me out. That's not fair Jacob.” I cannot believe what is happening. Jacob and I were freshly mated and married. We had never discussed having children, but his ex has a child and I don't exist.
“ENOUGH!” Jacob turned around. I could see yellow in his pupils. His wolf had taken over and pushed his dominant voice against me.
“No!” I shouted back matching his tone. I jumped out of bed and grabbed the shirt that he was going for. I ignored the smell of him and how satisfying it felt to have his scent on me. I brushed it off; now was not the time.
“We will discuss this, Jacob. Ever since she came back, all you have done is push me away. Unless you want to get your dick wet, that is the only time you treat me like your mate. Like you, wife!”
Jacob clenched and took a deep breath. “You are right. I have reconsidered our relationship, Ava. I have to be sensible about this matter. Alex came back to the pack, and she has brought back my son. A pure blood heir.” He shrugged.
My eyes grew darker as I realized what this meant. It was one thing to know that he had been with her. It was another to hear it come out of your mate's mouth. “So that’s it, you are going to let our marriage, our bond falter because she gave you a son. She left you after finding out we were fated mates. So what are you going to do reject me, Jacob.” I said regretting the words that came out.
"I'm just weighing the options." He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “I have always been a sensible leader. She came back. As Alpha I have to be more realistic about what the pack needs. And the pack needs a pure blood heir.”
“Realistic.” I sneered.
“Yes, realistic. Unlike you, who has all those unrealistic fantasies about being an actor and making art. You still think you're human? Half-breed."
My heart stopped beating. Jacob had always been calculating with his words but I could not help but feel shocked. Disgusted. That was a blow to my ego and my hopes. I was a human hybrid and I always had dreams in being an actress. But after unfortunate events I came to the werewolf world and mated Jacob.
“You knew what I was before we became mates. You knew about my dreams before we were mated. Not once did you say that it matter to you! Not once!” I could not hold it back any longer.
“Things change, Ava. People change.” Jacob shrugged. “I know what I want and what's best for the pack and its not you.”
“I sacrificed everything for you...for us. After all the nights I stayed up to take care of pack business for you? After I sacrificed everything I had for entertainment just to lighten your load? I gave up my dreams to be with you and this how you repay me!” I started to scream.
“Don't be stupid Ava,” Jacob said. I never asked you to do anything.” He began to laugh. “Your dreams, Ava let’s be honest your dream of being an actress are nothing short of fucking delusional. Who would want to see a hybrid wolf bitch like you on anything but smut films.”
I could not believe this. Nor could I believe how Jacob was acting towards me. I knew that he did not believe that I could be an actress in the human world but his words made me rethink everything he had even said to me. Even sweet word of encouragement.
Every kiss that we shared. It felt lies. And I was stupid enough to believe it. Did he really think that lowly of me after everything we have been through.
“So, what’s next are you going to reject me. Are you going to label me as a rouge?” I questioned bitterly, I tried my hardest not to let Jacob see my tears.
Jacob twitched for a moment he dropped on to the bed with his head in his hands. The pain that he was causing both me and Tide was weighing on him and his wolf River. Regardless of if he hated me or not, we were still fated. The Moon Goddess put us together as fated mates.
It as destiny. And he was throwing everything away for someone else.
“I will help you find another pack Ava, but you can’t be here.” With that Jacob left the room leaving He left me with my thoughts and my regrets. All I could hear is my wolf howling in my mind--she was broken and so was I.
I sat on the bed contemplating everything that happened between us. How did we go from having sex to him throwing my heritage in my face and wanting to eject me. I just wanted to punch something. Throw anything but I just sat on the bed in silence.
All of a sudden I heard Tide whimpering in my mind. I could feel her vulnerability and she could feel mine. The mixed emotions between my wolf left me unsettled. I wanted to run but I refused to let the pack in.
Being rejected was uncommon in wolf community especially after being bonded for so long. “I guess none of that matters as long as the pack has a pure blood child as its next heir.” I could not help but sneer at the words he spewed at me.
“Tide there is no reason for us to stay.” I told my wolf. I went to the closet that Jacob and I shared and I began to search for it. I grabbed my luggage case from out of the closet and started pulling clothes from the dresser and the closet.
I could hear my wolf panting and whining in along with my own thoughts. I knew I had to console her--for the both of us.
“It’s gonna be okay, girl. We have been through so much. We can leave.” I said trying to reassure myself. I paused. Even my wolf seemed confused by my words. “That’s right,” I said, I could feel myself smiling. “We can leave the werewolf world and go to the human world. We can avoid the rejection as well as being labeled a rogue.” I was almost hopeful until Tide started painting the images of Jacob and me living together. We were happy and in love.
But was it truly love?
“And you are projecting. You heard what he said. He. Does not. Want. Us.” Unlike most wolves certain higher ranks can turn off the link between themselves and their wolves. It was a dangerous process though not permanent. I had a feeling that Jacob had tuned his wolf out after our rutt session.
“Just think about it. We can leave and return to the human world. Mother did it so many times when I was a pup. She even showed me how to do it.” I said, trying to convince my wolf.
She whined in disagreement. She could be so stubborn sometimes.
“Yes I know crossing the boundary between the two worlds of humans and werewolves without permission is forbidden. But we cannot stay where we are not wanted.”
Tide snorted at me. I knew convincing her would be almost impossible. I refused to open this up for discussion.
“Besides, no one else really knows how so there is a less chance of us getting followed.”
I finished up packing and I stared at the chalk in m hand. Could I really do this? Sure mom taught me and I could complete the cross over before anyone knew I was gone.
But could I stay with him?
I stood up from the bed and looked over to the door. I knew I had to be quick, while it was not a lot of magic it would only take one whiff for a higher rank to know something was wrong.
I moved the dresser aside and against the wall. Then I drew a full circle on the wall. I took a deep breath to clear my mind and drew a crescent moon inside of the circle. This would be the doorway.
“Image the place you want to be. Knock thee time and enter here.”
I picture the old motel mom and I use to stay. Even if the place was not standing it was the safest and fastest bet to leaving the cruelty of the werewolf world behind.
The crescent moon shone bright and the wall cease to exist. It was a temporary door to the human world. Once I stepped through, no one would be able to find me.
I grabbed the bag. I would not look back. It just was not worth it.
