I can't withstand the pains am going through anymore, no one has my time, though everyone around me love me but It seems they are far away from me.

My name is Vivian, I am sixteen years of age. My dad and my mom are not living together anymore since I was small. I always try to ask my father the reason for that but he won't tell me what led to the separation. I do ask my mother as well whenever I go to her place for a visit but she won't tell me the reason too. I Wish the two could come together but I don't think that can happen. My grandmother had tried a lot to make things work between them but all her efforts failed.

My father love me and I always love my father too but my father doesn't have my time. He is always busy at work. He is a fund manager, he takes is work Paramount to him than myself. I cried because of loneliness but no one could hear me. The only time I have to spend with people is whenever i am in the school with my colleagues. I don't talk much with them, I don't like the school am attending for a single moment but what can I do since my father insisted that he can't take me to another school. I have complained to him times without numbers but he won't listen to me. He is so adamant, no one can changed his mind easily not even his mother and I guess that must have been one of the reasons my mother left. I told my grandmother and my mother about my decision but my father won't just listen to me. His only excuse is that my school is very close to my house and that would be easy for me to come back home without stress. I know he doesn't like me stressing myself doing anything even at home. He wants my convenience but I don't find joy in where I am. I'm not finding joy at home likewise in the school. My life lack joy all along, no one to make me happy each time I wanted to be happy. My joy have a limit each day I wake up, five to ten minutes in the morning and fifteen to twenty minutes at night. In the morning when my father is taking his breakfast in the dinning table with me and at night when he is back from work and he come to my room to ask me how my day went. Those are the two times I find joy at home. No joy at all in the school, everyone in the school love me but I don't love any of them. You may ask me the reason for that but my answer will always be I don't know. I can't really explain what's going on with me about the school. Maybe because of my impression about the school right from the first day in school or because I always want one of my parents to be with me. I can't just answer the question but I know something is wrong and I believe one day I will find joy in going to school maybe when I graduated from the high school.

I always stay at home with my grandmother, she always try everything possible to make me happy but I she can't just do that. I always want my mother to be around me or my father. I prefer seeing any of my parents around me than my grandmother. My grandmother is not always happy with me, I always wanted to do my best to be fine whenever she is around me but it's just too hard for me to do. I can't pretend to that level. I don't know how to hide my pains and that is one of my deficiency in this life. I'm always blunt, I say whatever is in my mind without minding who will be hurt or happy. My father doesn't like that with me but what can he do to stop me after correcting me times without numbers and all his attempt fails. At times I do pity her situation each time she tried helping me out of my downcast and all her efforts prove abortive. This always make her sad and feel bad. Whenever this happened, I always go to my room to cry because I always want her to be happy whenever am with her but I don't know how to go about it. It's all my fault but I can't help myself at the moment. The worst aspect about it is that she always feel am crying because of my mother or father that is not with me. She doesn't understand my plight, I don't know how to explain to her since she didn't tell me what's going on in her mind but I know that has always been her thoughts all the way. The fault is from my parents not me. Especially my father. Maybe things won't be worst with me to this level if he had taken my to the school I wanted to go to instead of dictating what I should do for me. I hate people using their authority on me, I don't like at all. I always like taking my decisions myself but my father won't allow that to happen whenever I am with him.

I was still struggling to stand up from my bed knowing fully well that it's time to prepare for school. What is the joy of waking up going to school and at the end of the day I will be sad throughout the school hours. What's the point of going to a place where happiness is not found? No one point in doing what doesn't make me happy but what can I do to make things work for myself since I can do whatever I wanted to do. The pain of going to school is more than the pain of staying at home. School should be the next place I should find joy if I didn't find it at home but reverse is the case.