“That's it?” I asked, my thumb still throbbing from the pen prick.
“That's it,” the man who calls himself the Devil answered jovially, putting the contract into his satchel. “Well, I'll be going. Unless you have any more questions, Micheal?”
There was an awkward pause, as I tried to think, but I was still too amazed that it worked. After 27 years of life, I was still a virgin. I wasn't ugly, just average looking guy with glasses and a little overweight. I was just painfully shy around women. I guess it was a mix of a lack of confidence, nervousness around strangers, and a fear of rejection that led to my situation. Probably more fear of rejection than anything else. It was desperation that brought me out to this lonely crossroad at midnight in the forested foot hills of the Cascade Mountains.
I had read that if you buried a box containing certain items at a crossroad at midnight, you could summon the Devil. In exchange for your soul, the Devil would grant you three wishes. Feeling ridiculous, I gathered the items: a photograph of myself, dirt from a graveyard, bone of a black cat, and a yarrow flower. I found a crossroad formed by two gravel back roads and buried the box.
And I waited, feeling like a complete moron. And waited. And waited. Eternity seemed past, my stomach twisted into knots. I was just about to leave when the Devil appeared, stepping out of the shadows. I was stunned, my thoughts scattered at his appearance. The Devil greeted me with a friendly smile. He was a handsome man, dark hair, dressed in an expensive black suit. The only thing unusual about him was his scarlet eyes.
“Hello, Micheal Glassner. What can I do for you, tonight?” the Devil asked, pleasantly.
“I...uh...” I stammered painfully, surprise tangling my tongue. He waited patiently as I gathered my thoughts. “I want to make some wishes.”
“Of course, of course,” he said. “What would you like.”
I swallowed. My voice cracked as I told him my wishes. “A long, healthy life.”
The Devil nodded. “That's good one. The second?”
“Sexual stamina,” I said, my cheeks reddening in embarrassment. “I want to be able to...uh...perform as many times as I want.”
The Devil nodded. There was understanding in his eyes. Not judgement. Feeling more confident, I told him my third wish. “I want people to do whatever I tell them to do in a friendly and helpful manner.”
The Devil grinned, a predatory, hungry smile. With a flash of scarlet light and yellow smoke, a contract appeared in his hand. The smoke smell acrid and foul, like rotten eggs. “Look it over,” he said as he handed me the contract.
I did. The contract seemed straightforward. Three wishes for my soul. Seemed cheap. What was my soul really worth? What had I done with my life. Nothing. Just a cheap, one bedroom apartment, a shitty car, and a terrible job trying to sell vacuum cleaners to stuck up rich bitches. I nodded and with a flourish, the Devil produced an old fashioned, black fountain pen. He pricked my thumb with the pen and I signed the contract in my own blood. Then the Devil signed in his.
“Well, I'll be going. Unless you have any more questions, Micheal?”
The Devil took my silence as a no. With a friendly smile, he vanished back into the shadows. And it hit me, what I just done. I stumbled under the weight of my actions, bumping back into my beat-up old Ford Taurus. My legs felt weak, wobbly like a newborn animal. I set heavily on my car trunk, shocks squeaking as the car rocked, and I starred up at the stars wheel across the night sky.
I thought about what I would do with my powers. Fantasies flashed through my mind. Getting even with people, living a life of luxury. Getting laid. Definitely, getting laid. I made plans, playing out scenarios over and over in my mind. Before I knew it, the sun was rising.
As the sun rose, blushing the horizon in pink, I felt different. It was as if while I watch the stars I was taken apart and stitched back together. Remade. Reborn. Better than I had been. No longer that virgin loser. I had a whole new life ahead of me. I was someone, now. Smiling, I slid into my car, started the engine, and peeled out down the gravel road to find this new life.
