"I'm sorry, Sophia."
The familiar man's words fall on deaf ears, and Sophia stares blankly at the pictures set up on the flower altar, consumed with nothing but numbness and emptiness, as though she has lost all sense of everything and exists only in a black hole. There's no oxygen in this space, no air or breeze, no sensation except stifling heat and oppressive, claustrophobic surroundings. It could be a bubble for all she knows, a lifeless and empty bubble holding her prisoner in this atmosphere-less existence.
Not hearing him, Sophia continues to look ahead. Tall in the rows and rows of white flowers of every kind, laid out perfectly to nestle their images so respectfully on top. A wall of white to counteract the darkness of the room. Candles burn to each side of the loving faces, illuminating subtle smiles with an ethereal glow, and yet it all feels so ugly and wrong. They shouldn't be here. Fixated.
Sophia doesn't respond, unable to move or breathe, and gazes emptily at the two shining faces staring back at her as though devoid of all ability to move. Her heart aches physically, inside her body, and her stomach hurts with splicing pangs, yet nothing comes out, and her face is bone dry. She's lost the sensation of her limbs so that she no longer feels attached to her own body and stays as she is, lifeless and still without blinking, unaware of how her legs shake to keep her upright. She has no concept of time or how long she has stood here. Only that she doesn't know what she's supposed to do now.
"Thank you for coming. It means a lot to see you here." Leon's mother's voice flitters around behind her. Strained and low as though she's been crying endlessly. Talking to all who come by to show their respects, yet Sophia can't turn around to see her. She pulls the voice away from Sophia and mutters some other words of comfort and thanks, and it fades out to the same eerie nothingness of before. Locked on and focused only on dark brown eyes, the flawless complexions, and the warming smiles of the faces Sophia wants more than anything to climb out of that frame and exist in her reality. She wants their voices, their laughter, even their anger. She needs to have them reach out and touch her just one more time.
"Sophia.... We need to move. It's time." Leon's voice comes through this time. A gentle touch on her elbow as he delicately tries to break her trance, and Sophia is pulled out of her own head. Startled into sense by his breath lingering by her right ear, tingling her nerve endings, so she shudders. The husky safe tone of the source of support this past week, and Sophia turns her face and blinks at him. Dazed in her surreal surroundings. Seeing nothing but a blurry image before her and yet his presence is wanted compared to everyone else. He's been the Leon of her childhood. The Leon that she missed to the point of despair without ever knowing it. The dependable and caring Leon who was with her for every milestone of her youth. The soothing voice and mature words. The kid who would take her hand and help her keep up with all the boys he hung around with, without ever letting them use her gender to diss her.
"I can't leave them here. They don't belong here," Sophia utters breathlessly, whimpering, staring hopelessly into those dark eyes which mirror her pain and sadness. Leon's heart is broken too, maybe not to the same depth as hers, but they share a pain that has held them together these hours, and she's come to depend on his presence to get through this day. He's been grieving silently and strongly, never showing Sophia how truly broken he is so that he can instead be what she needs to stay standing. Without him nearby, tending to her, and sticking close, she would have collapsed hours ago.
"I know. You can't stay here though. You haven't eaten all day, and you haven't moved from this spot to drink or rest. It's late; you need to come home with us. Please," Leon slides an arm around Sophia's shoulders and attempts to move her, but she holds firm. Inwardly breaking down with the thought of no longer having them with her, of having them there when she goes home. They will lay here without her for God knows how long if she goes. This is truly, the last moment with them, the last physical connection, and then they're really gone. Just thinking of walking away steals her breath away and closes her lungs.
And home? Where is that, and what is that now? Is it a building of brick and mortar which holds her every memory since birth, or is it the place where her parents went? How can she go somewhere that doesn't exist anymore? She's alone now. There's isn't anyone there that she wants to go home for. It's just a word, an empty, meaningless word without them there to warm its core.
Her heart erupts into a fireball of agony, and the tears, which have been held at bay for the last seven days, break through as her face crumbles. She sobs out loud, in a gasping and agonizing way, searching for air as her legs give out, and Leon pulls her into his arms to catch her before she falls. Cradling her close and rubbing the back of her hair as her emotional floodgates crack. He sinks with her to accommodate her body weight, so they end up crouched together.
"I want my mom... I want my mom, Leon. Bring her back to me. My dad.... my dad, Leon... How could they? Why? Why did they leave me? Give them back to me. Please.. just give them back. I'll do anything. I'll be good; I won't argue.... I'll do whatever they say, whatever you say. Please, just help me," Sophia wails and sobs senselessly, and coughs and wheezes, trying to get the words out that break her soul in two. Her brain is a scattered, chaotic mess, and each word falls out of her mouth, rambling of its own accord. Her whole world crashes down around her as every part of her gives up the fight to stay in control, and he gets her full outpouring. The realization that this, here, is the final moment with her parents and the connection between them and her in the real world will never exist again. Their bodies will be ash by morning, and nothing but her broken heart will hold them near. She hasn't got it in her to let them go. She's only sixteen years old. She needs her parents still. She's just a kid.
"I would if I could, Sophia. I swear. I would do anything to give them back to you." His words are forced through his emotional trembling and wavering voice. He is holding back his own need to cry too, because that's who Leon is. He squats down with Sophia, so they both properly end up on the floor. Sophia is in his arms and curled up tight, clinging to him, while he hovers and balances to keep her close. His knees are on either side of her body so she's encircled in his protective space. Letting her cry it out while he rests his cheek on top of her head, pats her back, and sways her side to side as though she's five years old once more. Cuddling her as he used to when she had fallen, distraught with a grazed booboo, or was crying over spilled ice cream, or someone had been mean to her.
"Why did they leave me?" Sophia howls through her muffled tears, covering her face with both hands, so desperate to stop this pain that's wracking her body she cannot find relief as it only builds and grows to levels she can't handle. Immersed in this darkness that's pulling her down.
