Madison Grace:

Stay numb and carry on...

Too young to hate someone...

I opened my diary as I stopped singing. The further I look into my diary, the more I want to cry. All I could tell to myself is, ‘Madison Grace, suck it up. You are not a child. Xander is in your past. You don’t have to recall the past.’

The past sucks. I don’t want to think about it. But I assure you that I will tell you about it soon. Right now, you guys need to know about me. About my stupid, useless life. I’m 22 years old who was working in a company with a better salary. But now, I’m jobless. My parents can’t help me. I need to help them financially. That is the reason I came to study abroad. But the company got closed. Now, I and my friend are jobless. Did I mention to you about her? Her name is Sofia Maria. She’s my best friend in my awful school days. She helped me with a lot of things

including the problems I have faced when I fell in love with Xander

. I and Sofia live in an apartment with a lone room. Just a single enormous hall which contains a kitchen, bedroom. We are very pathetic. I have no wonderful memories to recall. Not even Xander.

Loving him is the biggest mistake. I don’t blame him for hating me. It’s the incident and persons who caused that situation. But it hurts that the boy I used to love hates me. It’s okay if he doesn’t love me. But the hatred kills me. He’s the smartest boy in the entire class. I met him in ninth grade. I have been curious about him. In a year, I was in love with him madly. It’s definitely not because he’s from a millionaire family.

I don’t care how much money he got. All I care about is him. His character...the way he talks...the way he smiles...how he used to help everyone except me

there’ are a lot of reasons for it which is supposed to be hidden now

. I had hypnotised by his hazel hair, ocean eyes, his perfect jawline.

I couldn’t know more about him. I never get to be his friend. I'm not letting him go even after all these years. I still believe I get to be with him. That he’s, my soulmate. Talking about soulmates seems stupid to some people. I have been the one who believed it all my life. In simple words, I yet believe something destined us to be together, no matter how impossible it seems.

“Close that stupid journal. All you wrote is about Xander. Xander. Xander. Is he worth it, Madison?” Sofia scolded me out of care for me.

“I’m sorry. I caught up in some bad memories. But I won’t throw this. I know you are going to say that.” I told her clutching my dairy tightly in case she made a move to tear the papers or throw the whole damn dairy.

“I know you won’t do that. Why waste my time? Just forgot it, Madison. It’s been four years. Since you transferred to another school and worked in a company for two years. I don’t know why you still can’t forget him. He’s out of your life.”

The moment she said the last word, I frowned. Yeah, she’s right. Iam wasting my time with an idiotic belief. I’m never going to meet him again. Even if I did, he still hates me.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You are beautiful, Madison. You have a good heart. You deserve someone like you. You don’t need to go behind someone who doesn’t love you. I’m not being harsh on you. I just want to say that you deserve the best. “Sofia apologized.

“I wish you are right. I wish something great happens in my life. Once in my life. I just found my old journal. That’s why I got distracted by these feelings. This isn’t the right time for this. We need to find another job. We are running out of money.” I said, looking at our messy room. Nobody could live in our messy single room.

“I was going to discuss that. I already got a job for us. There’s no need for an interview but I’m not sure whether you like that job.” Sofia said with hesitancy.

“You got a job? That’s awesome. All we need is a job. Which company?” I asked her eagerly. But without an interview, which company will give us a job?

“It’s not a company. I got a waitress job in a cafe. That’s the least I can do, Madison. Please don’t say no to this. The owner just wants two waitresses. This job is better than doing nothing. What do you say? Our work starts tomorrow.”

“What??? This is way too fast. I... I can’t say anything but accept this. Tell me about the salary and the cafe.” I told her, deciding to accept it. I need to focus on what’s important. Going behind my love for Xander will not do anything. The more I seek to love, it goes away from me. It’s better if I let go. I need to let go of something that isn’t for me. Am I right?

.....

I got all the information I needed about the cafe. I started the day with a smile. "So, you two are the new waitress? Good. Wear this uniform and start serving the customer. I don’t think I need to teach you how to serve?” The owner, a short guy in his thirties, spoke.

“Nope. We will start working. Thank you for the job.” Sofia said, taking the uniform to the dressing room. The uniform isn’t that bad. A mixture of light orange and red. But it reminds me of the ‘Two broke girls’ series. Did I become poor in just a month? Oh, God. I guess my life is falling apart. Nope, it already fell apart. I don’t think it could be fixed.

For the rest of the day, I worked hard. The job wasn’t difficult. But I feel like the salary isn’t enough. I wish I could find a better job.

“Is it time for us to leave? I’m too tired.” I told Sofia while taking the menu to give to the new customers.

“Umm, just half an hour. Bear with it, please. You had no other choice.” Sofia pleaded. I need to adjust. Sofia was the one who brought the job for both of us. We need to go this to live.

“Yeah, we got more days to work here. It’s just the first day. I can do this.” I told, bringing up a smile on my tired face. I walked up to a couple to give the menu. I asked what they want to eat. Suddenly, my heart started beating faster without a reason. I didn’t see the girl’s face. But the boy turned towards me before he got the menu card from me. I recognized him. How could I not? He’s...Xander. Xander who used to hate me. I used to love unconditionally. No, this should not happen. I decided to forget him. I don’t want to see him again when he’s not mine. He was never mine and never will be. Then why the hell am I seeing him again? And then he spoke a single word.

“You?”