"Do you believe in love at first sight?" I asked my friend Lani, we are in the park today and it is Valentine's Day. I don't know why every Valentine's Day I have a bad trip "Are you sure? Do you believe it?" She asked me "I don't know, I haven't even experienced love yet" I said "You're probably afraid to love, I don't know why your name is Lovely" She told me.

　　Lovely Grace Salvador, 21 years old, and Yes I'm afraid to fall in love or to be loved. I don't know why every time I meet a man I'm suddenly nervous, Philophobia is the name here; it means there is a fear of love. I hope everyone experiences love, even if you're not afraid before because I was afraid of love when my parents separated.

　　I was 5 years old when Mommy left us because she had another partner. Almost every night they answered each other which ended in a fight, and it hurt the night that mommy left us. I promised myself that I would never love again. I don't want to end up like daddy, Yes, I chose to come with daddy and my current mommy - Daddy’s new wife is kind, she always buys me things such as jewelry, cellphones and so on, but I'm not happy. Why is that?

　　"Lovely when are you going to have a boyfriend?" She asked me "You know Lani, they just fooled me when I was with them, at first they were sweet but when 5 or 10 months came by, they were gone" I replied "Hey Lovely, that is called bad luck. Yes you're right, but that's different because it's a man, it's another man, when they know that they really love that woman, he won't let her go," She explained.

　　"Ah whatever, I don't like Valentine’s Day. I'll leave, and maybe your boyfriend is looking for you" I said and then left to go home. In the afternoon, I talked to daddy about my problem "Daddy I don't want to love" I said "You know Lovely I understand you, but also remember about what happened to us before" he said

　　"Yes dad but, no eh I really don't want to" I said and then daddy hugged me "Remember this Lovely, not everyone is unloved by others. There are also others who will accept you. Yes, I'm hurt too but not anymore. Because there are women who love me “he said.

　　"Yes dad but, no eh I really don't want to" I said and then daddy hugged me "Remember this Lovely, not everyone is unloved by others. There are also others who will accept you. Yes, I'm hurt too but not anymore. Because there are women who love me “he said.

　　I was 8 years old when I first went to Disneyland; I had a lot of fun there, especially when I saw Elsa from the movie Frozen. I had a big smile there. On the night of the fireworks display at Disney castle; I don't know why I cried. I didn't tell daddy when I cried because all the hurtful things that mommy did to us flashed back to me. She cheated on us and I couldn't fight so I decided to go with daddy than her.

　　Mommy Grace is kind, she always buys me things even if I don't ask for them. She supports me until I go to college, she gives me a laptop for educational purposes and when my grades are high, she always accompanies me everywhere. This is the happiest thing in my whole life, but I can't accept what mommy did to us and daddy, that's wrong. She chose the man she met at the gay bar more than daddy and me; and maybe we should forget that forever.

　　That night Mommy and daddy left, and of course I'm home alone since it's Valentine's day. I don't want to mess with their dinner date so I cooked my favorite fried chicken and fried rice which is almost my daily routine when they're not here. Because that's all I can cook, so I don't have a problem with that even if I have a husband or a boyfriend. Of course, I don't have a boyfriend or a husband.

　　I immediately remembered that someone courted me. Yes, he was cute, kind, sweet, and gentlemen but I ran and moved to another school to stay away from him. I continued doing that and until I decided to stop. But, when Mommy Grace came, that's how she helped me to continue my studies until I graduated. But it didn't end, I was in my 2nd year of college when a man approached me and I hurriedly ran to the comfort room to avoid him until our first subject ended, as in, I just stayed there and didn't go to class at that time. But the next day, there was only one woman next to me and Lani was one of them.

　　We became partners who can’t be separated. We are almost the same but the difference is she has a boyfriend she and I don't have, but I am happy by being with her even if they take me anywhere. But this is Valentine's day, so I don't like Valentine's day because I'm allergic to this day, every time I wake up I would walk away from mommy and daddy as they wish each other a happy valentine's day. But that's okay with me, maybe it's just a lot of sadness for me. It is already 1 am when they got home, "Why are you still awake, my daughter?" Daddy asked me while I was watching a movie entitled ‘The notebook’ "Just trying to find the momentum to sleep" I said "Go to sleep after you watch okay?"

　　"Yes dad" I said and then they went upstairs to sleep. I don't know every time I watch that movie, I feel sad. I feel I am that heroine in the movie, even though it has an ugly ending, it's still good for me because there's no happy ending in real life.. Yes, a happy ending can be real for other people, but not for me. My life has no happy ending and I don’t know how it will end.

　　FIN