Trigger Warning!
Suicidal thoughts
I'm in the middle of thinking some happy moments of my life.
Being with my beautiful and lovely mother, being with sister slash my best buddy, being with my younger brother who always makes me laugh with his corny jokes, being with my dad who alwways makes me feel loved, worthy and most of all making me feel beautiful.
But then thinking those moments will just trigger me. How can that memory comfort me when they're all gone? How can I fight if I'm now alone?
"you're a slot" one of my classmate said.
I'm not fping anything bad! I was just wprking to supply all my daily needs, for my tuition, for my foods, for my dorm nd many more.
I'm working at a bar. Working there being a waitress but then my imbecile schoolmate won't understand that. They keep on saying some nonsence stuff that will ALWAYS affect me even though it's not true. I'm just a humas with feeling who knows how to fet hurt.
I can't.
And there I saw a scissor above my bed. I grab it and stare for a while, while my tears are continuously falling like a watery falls.
I slit my wrist using this blue scissor. I can't feel anything aside from my emotional pain so I keep on slitting until I felt something, something good.
Finally I already feel something. The pain I was keeping for almost 5 years is still here but then i don't have the time to grave. I need to work. I can't gain money in graving, crying or what so ever, I need to be strong for myself. i need to finish my studies coz this is my last promise to my family. I'll be a good doctor!
Blood dripping from my wrist but i just can't stop i think i got addicted to this pain. The pain I'm feelin' right now, not the pain from inside.
I keep on slitting until I heard a loud bang from the door of my dormitory.
A man is walking-no a man in a half ran towards my direction.
He kneeled in front of me so our eye level will meet.
"What do you think you're doing woman?!" That was the last words I heard until everything went black.
****
I wake up with my head throbbing, my wrist is kinda painfull but the pain is bearable. As I open my eyes I saw a white walls, and smells like disinfectant, I'm at the hospital.
As what I remember, there's this man who kneeled in front of me before I got unconscious.
Where is he?
Should I thank him or should I slap him for saving me?
He could just let me die so that I will be happy with my family. We will be happy and complete.
A creaking noise from the door wake me up from my thoughts.
A man in a blue hoody and a faded maong jeans appear. Hes looking me seriously with his blue piercing eyes.
I abated my gaze from him. I can't look at him that long I don't know what's with that blue eyes.
I got tamed by it. it is just too much, too much that I couldn't even stare it is just so intense.
"What are you feeling? does your wound hurts?" worry and concern is evident in his voice.
"I'm okay" that was just the only word that I could utter, my throat is dry.
"I'm just thirsty"
I though asking me if I'm okay is the only thing that he'll do inside this hospital room is what he'll do but nah, I'm wrong wrong.
A few seconds he handed me a glass of water which I gratefully accept coz I'm really that thirsty.
"thanks" while returning the glass.
"are okay now?"
"yes, I am you can now leave me here by the way thanks for bringing me here . I'll pay you when I have the money" I said without looking at him, For petes sake I'm shy. All my life this is only the moment I feel like this!
"No. No I won't leave you" hint of annoyance in his voice is evident and that's when I averted my gaze to him. Our eyes met. At some point I adore his serious yet expressive blue eyes.
I keep on staring at his eyes. He cleared his throat that when I wake up from my deep thinking.
"are you hungry?"
"Yes, please give me a good to eat I'm starving" I demanded just to make my heartbeat normal.
From the time he enter this room my heartbeat becomes abnormal and I hate it. I hate that feeling.
He went out maybe to get some foods he doesn't even ask what food i wanna eat.
He returned while holding a silver tray. The smell of it make me more hungry.
"How long did I sleep?" i ask him while putting the silver tray from the side table.
"2 days and 8 hours" he shorty answered.
"omygod! how about my work? my school?! i really really need to get out of here!" I'm panicking as in. I'm worried my boss will fire me! my grades will not. never remain that high!
As I keep on thinking about what will possibly happen I can't help but cry! a tear from my left eye fell and seems like he saw it. well I won't hide it.
At some point I got comfortable with him even though his aura is so intimidating.
"No. You're boss won't fire you, and at school I already send an excuse letter for you" really he did that for me? I can't help but to feel grateful. I must thank him and ask for apology, a while a ago I'm planning to slap him because he sent me to this freaking hospital.
I must thank him! he just saved me from death and my second life is all because of him he owe an apology and I must treat him well! Yes. I will treat him well.
