Take a another sip, I'll make you forget your problems.

Take another drift, I'll make you feel better. Just do it.

Crying doesn't do shit, Ray. Grow the fuck up and take a drink.

No, Ray, don't do it.

It's not right, would have mom and dad wanted that?

I gripped at my head,

tears pushing at my closed eyelids,

Music pulsed in my ear, louder then my erratic heart beat.

People touched at my shoulder, and shook me. Some even shouted. But it's not like I could make out what they were saying.

I was in that place again. The one I never grew to like.

The place filled with my deepest secrets, lies, memories, regrets.

The place I went to every time I had a breakdown.

Meaning, everyday, I visited this hell.

Everyday I was tormented by myself. By my problems.

I needed this. I needed the drugs. The alcohol. I needed something to take me away.

Something to make me better. I needed this.

I raised the bottle to my lips, taking a down another hot ounce of liquid I wasn't familiar with.

But I didn't care. As long as it took the pain away, I'd be okay.

Until morning, at least.

Put down the bottle, Ray. Get up and leave. Don't you see what's going on here?

I shook my head. No. I don't. That's why I have my eyes closed.

The animalistic side of me argued with the human side of me.

All the time.

Maybe that's why I was so fucked up.

Or maybe that was just my genes.

Like my father always said.

"Yo, chick. You okay?"

No dipshit. I'm obviously not. Now shut the fuck up and pass the joint.

"I'm fine," My voice comes out hoarsed and dry.

I open my eyes to see a black woman staring at me with wary eyes. She stares for a moment, then nods.

She doesn't care.

Why should she?

Get out of here, Ray.

I decide to hurry up and go before my wolf side disagrees.

I stand and grab my bag, and walk swifly to the door. Pushing it open and being welcomed to the cold air that fills my lungs. Clearing out the thick smoke in my throat.

Tears stream down my face, and splatter against the ground. Along with my thoughts.

I break out into a run.

My feet slapping against the pavement as I run. Hoping to escape the cold night and fall into a deep sleep where nothing can touch me. Where I can dream of a perfect life. A perfect me.

I reach the trail leading into the woods. Whacking branches and long leaves out of my way as I strip off my heels, and bag. Letting my feet sink into the earth's soil.

I don't look where I'm going. I just need to breathe.

I was too late. I didn't recognize until I had gone to far.

I had crossed the boundary. Heading into, let's just say, not so friendly people territory. Scratch that, they weren't people, they were monsters.

Just like me.

My heart throbbed at the thought. I pushed it away and picked up my speed.

"Hey you! Where do you think your going?" I heard a snarl. And finger tips brushed my arm for a quick second. I dashed off.

More shadows appeared. And more shouts were called out.

I could hear the ripping of clothes, the snarls, the growls.

I had truly entered the death zone.

And I didn't give a shit. Then again, when did I ever?

It wasn't till I saw towering like statues in front of me that I gave a shit.

I skidded to a stumbling stop.

It was too late. I was surrounded. Completely.

Everything was a haze. Hands reached for me. Coming in all directions.

I was grabbed, hit, thrown, pushed.

I didn't cry out, or shout for help.

I deserved this. I deserved all of it.

I rather die then live with this. With this regret.

Darkness welcomed me gratefully, a certain hospitality I wasn't used to.

*******

Better Kiss My Ass Goodbye.

All I saw was red in my path. Anger, hate, frustration, gleamed in my pitch black eyes. Blood coated my paws and fur, the lifeless body of my father laid before me. Confirming my despicable acts were truly committed and not just some dream. My father's eyes were wide, staring into the distance, to some, he might look like he was staring off into space, the truth was, he was gone. Along with his heart beat and soul.

My mother's cries were heard as she griped the love of her life, her mate, in her fragile arms, looking at me with tear filled eyes as she pleads with me. But I'm not listening. Nor is my sadistic side.

"Please, Ray, don't do this. Fight it. It doesn't control you, fight it!"

Kill her! My inner demons barks at me.

While me, the real human side of me, screams no.

If I could cry in wolf form, I would.

But what would crying do? It wouldn't fix this. I had killed him. I was coated in my own father's blood. I was a monster. And I didn't know how to stop myself, this feeling was..empowering. Glorious.

She'll tell Ray, you'll get in trouble. Kill her!